Misery rewriting
by Imprisoned Wings
Summary: Stolen from her life as a human, she must now live with the fact that she's more than likely going to die before ever meeting the legendary Firestar- who was the whole reason the series even began. Born as the littermate to Snowfur and Bluefur, Nightfur is starting to learn that not everything is as set in stone as she was lead to believe.
1. Chapter 1

Just waking up, before she'd even opened her eyes, she stretched like she did every morning.

 _Ugh, it probably isn't even past 7. Why does my body hate me? I didn't even get home until well past 4._ She thought miserably.

At first she'd noticed nothing different. That was before she heard mews of protest and loud purring.

"Nightkit's going to be the first to open her eyes, Moonflower." A voice purred. It didn't sound like it came from where she was laying. Stretching. Whatever.

It took a moment for her to actually understand what was said. She felt horror jolt through her. Nightkit? Moonflower? Those sounded like names from one of her childhood stories. She couldn't remember exactly which book series the names were from, but…

She'd have to think about it later. She knew what her name was, and it wasn't _Nightkit_.

She struggled to open her eyes and it took her moments of trying (and failing) before they finally opened. The world around her was blurry and she couldn't help but wonder why everything looked so much bigger than it probably was.

As the world came into focus, she looked up and saw cats smiling down at her. She recoiled and looked down at her… paws?

Oh. This _could not_ be happening. She didn't want to have _paws_. Tiny ones at that. She couldn't be more than a few days old… even though she had barely had her twenty-first birthday that August.

This was going to give her a headache. A migraine. She wondered if they had anything for that. They probably did, but she doubted they'd give her anything.

She was a newborn. Her tail flicked angerly. She had just started to get the hang of being a Manager. She was just starting to go back to school for her High School diploma.

"Well, hello there, little one." The cat she was laying against purred. She had silvery fur and yellow eyes.

She wondered what _her own_ pelt color was. Probably black, or close to, if her name was Nightkit.

She still wasn't sure how that made her feel, but she supposed she should get used to it. It didn't look like she was going anywhere anytime soon.

Unless she, like, died as a kitten. It wasn't uncommon, especially for wild animal.

She was doing a lot of assuming. Because they weren't in a warm, cozy, house, she could only assume this _was_ their home. _Her_ new home.

Her 'mother' gave her a lick to the head before moving onto one of the bodies lying next to her. She'd known she was in the middle… but that was nothing new.

She often shared her bed with two fully grown labs. She was used to having no wiggle room. The one to her left had a blue pelt and the one to her right had a white one

Something was nagging at her memory but she still couldn't remember what it was. It was like something she _should_ know but actually didn't. Or did but just didn't _know it_.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. No use trying to remember something that wouldn't come. A sudden wave of exhaustion came over her and her stomach grumbled with hunger.

She didn't have the strength to think about the awkwardness of suckling. It was a natural part of a newborn's life.

Once she was full, she curled up tightly and drifted off to sleep.

 **XxXxXx**

Sometime later, she awoke with a paw in her ear. "Come on, Nightkit! Me and Bluekit are ready to go outside and play!"

Nightkit hissed in irritation. What if she didn't wish to play?

Then it hit what the kitten had said.

 _Bluekit._ It couldn't be. The series was fake, fiction.

 _Bluekit. Snowkit. Moonflower._ This couldn't be. Even if it were possible, the history was already set. _Nightkit_ didn't exist. Yet, why was she here? If Bluestar's destiny was to lose _everyone_ close to her, then her own destiny was to die.

How was that fair? How was it fair for her to be hijacked from her own life and put into that of a cat? It wasn't _if_ she died before Bluestar's leadership ceremony, it was _when_.

Would Nightkit die as a kit? As an apprentice? Would she make it to Warrior before fate decided it was time for her to die?

Nightkit _didn't_ want to die. To be fair, would anyone?

Was she supposed to change things before her death? Her being here already changed something. What other changes would come just before _she_ existed.

The existential crisis would have to wait, even though she was literally questioning _everything_.

She pushed herself to her paws, her… _sister_ looked hurt at her hiss.

"Lead the way, dear sister." Nightkit grinned as she looked at Snowkit and Bluekit.

She was slightly amused when Snowkit and Bluekit decided to climb _over_ their mother instead of just going around like any rational … cat … would do.

"You've opened your eyes." Their mother purred, relief relaxing her tense muscles. "You all have your father's blue eyes." She was still purring and she looked down at her three daughters.

Nightkit's tail curled. "We were headed outside!" She said brightly.

"Yeah! We're going exploring!" Snowkit added. Bluekit nodded eagerly.

"Do you want me to come with?" Moonflower asked, her whiskers twitching with amusement.

All three kits shook their head. "We're going to surprise Patchkit and Leopardkit!"

"You're first prey." Their mother was obviously amused. "Off you go then."

The three ran over to the entrance, each cringing at the sunlight. Nightkit should have expected this. They'd been in the dark. Not like a _night_ dark, but they were _inside_. And they were newborns. They were bound to be more sensitive to things others were not.

As soon as the light didn't hurt as much, they raced out. Nightkit tripped over her paws and rolled, landing between the two older kits. _Of course that's how I make my entrance._

She guessed it _could_ be worse. She could've been attack by a dead mouse like Bluekit was. Looking around, she realized that the center of camp must be where they stored their food.

She blinked up at the two bigger kits, staying sprawled on her back. "Hi!" Her voice squeaked, her tail whipping back and forth in excitement.

Leopardkit purred at Nightkit. "Hello!" She helped The tiny black she-kit back to her paws as Snowkit and Bluekit came running over. "They've all opened their eyes!" The older she-kit purred happily.

 _This is going to be a long six months_ , Nightkit thought with a worn out sigh. _Acting like a kit and trying to not die… why is fate so cruel?_

 **A/N:**

 **Hello! :-) I do not own Warriors. I don't know when I'll update but this idea kinda just came out while I was half asleep and decided to roll with it.**

 **I don't want Nightkit to die just as much as** _ **Nightkit**_ **doesnt want to die. I'm open to other suggestions. Or when her death** _ **should**_ **be. It'd be a pretty lame story if she died in the next chapter.**

 **Should she join another clan? Abandon Clanlife all together? Die giving birth?** _ **Die instead of**_ **Sweetpaw or Snowfur? Let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Nightkit squirmed out of her mother's paws. She could clean herself _thank you, very much_

Her mother gave a defeated sigh. "It's the first time your father will see you three since you've opened your eyes." She had already groomed Bluekit and Nightkit. Onto Snowkit she went.

The black she-kit shook her head fondly at her mother. It was only natural that Moonflower was excited for Stormtail to meet his three kits with their eyes open.

She just hoped _Stormtail_ was as excited as Moonflower. She'd be disappointed if he wasn't.

She knew Bluekit and Snowkit felt the same, even if they didn't know how to put the feeling into words quite yet.

She inwardly cringed when she thought about the shenanigans they'd gotten into the day before. At least they knew where the Warrior's den was now. And the Apprentices'. And the Leader's. She could figure where the Medicine Cat's was.

And they knew more family. There was only one other living, besides the three kits. Goosefeather was the Medicine Cat. Though she'd already known, she was surprised to hear that he was their Uncle.

She'd read the book featuring Bluestar when it first came out. Eight years ago. She hadn't exactly kept up with the series after the book.

Either way, waking up a sleeping Warrior was something she never wanted to experience again.

 _Soon_ it would be her, Snowkit, and Bluekit grumbling about kits waking them up from hiding kits.

She was sure the three of them would always remember his words, " _Every Warrior learns something from their clanmates,"_ Stonepelt had, essentially, said, after that bit of advice, he pushed himself to his paws and making his way out to get food.

Her ears pricked when she heard the movement from the entrance and her father's scent hit her nose. Along with other scents that she wasn't sure of who they were.

The three of them sat up straighter as their mother called over their father. She imagined him excited to finally meet his daughters; to finally see some of their personalities.

But, no. That wasn't the case. If anything, he looked unexcited. Uninterested. She felt her heart drop. Stormtail wasn't pleased to see his children. Was he even pleased to have them?

Nightkit flinched at his expression after he'd greeted his mate. It wasn't cold, persay, but it wasn't warm either.

"Stonepelt told me you woke him from his rest yesterday." He didn't exactly _growl_ but Nightkit wasn't sure what else to call it. His tone suggested how angry he was with them.

"Stay out of the Warriors' Den from now on." And with that, their father turned tail to go share a meal with the leader of their Clan.

All three kits had flat ears, but Bluekit was the one who asked if their father hated them.

Moonflower shook her head, "He was just giving you advice, so you know better next time." She said in a comforting voice.

Nightkit wasn't so sure, but wasn't going to contradict her mother's words. It seemed like he just wasn't pleased to have children.

Another tom came to sit in front of them. Their mother purred. "This is Goosefeather." She introduced her littermate.

"You're the Medicine Cat!" Snowkit excitedly stated, her voice squeaking, and her tail whipping back and forth.

"And our Uncle!" Bluekit added, equally as excited.

Goosefeather didn't look at all surprised that they knew who he was. "That is correct. How did you know?"

"Larksong told us." Nightkit responded innocently.

"She also tol-" Bluekit started to add, before Nightkit covered her mouth with her tail. The blue kit shot her sister a dirty look.

The black kit shrugged. "Larksong also said that you're our Mother's littermate." She finished. She knew that was _not_ what Bluekit was about to say. They couldn't be rude to their uncle.

Goosefeather purred in amusement. "I'm sure that isn't what was said." His eyes twinkled. "Would you like to come see my den?"

The three kits nodded eagerly. More exploring! The Medicine Cat lead the trio over to his den. He explained to them what his job was, how close he was with their ancestors.

It sounded like an important job, but Nightkit knew it wasn't any of their destiny to become a Medicine Cat.

 _No,_ she thought bitterly, _Snowkit and mine are to die so Bluekit can walk alone. Lead the clan to greatness._ The thought, though more true than she wanted to admit, left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She almost asked for some catmint. She knew it was more of a metaphorical taste in her mouth. The minty herb would do nothing to help.

When the tom turned his back on them, for just a second, the three sisters went sniffing at the herbs.

"I dare you to eat one, Nightkit!" Bluekit mewed, pointing at little black seeds.

Nightkit _knew_ it was a bad idea and that they'd get into a lot of trouble. It didn't help that she couldn't remember the name or use of the herb Bluekit wanted her to eat.

"No." The black she-kit finally decided. "We don't know what it does." She glanced over at Goosefeather. Why wasn't he watching them? For God's sake, they were kits. Or a fully grown human in a kits body and two actual kits.

She was sure nobody else knew that, though. Maybe StarClan did, but she wasn't quite sure if she believed in them. It was like Cloudtail; Nightkit doubted she could believe in something she couldn't see.

 _And yet, you're here._ A nagging voice said. _Some Higher Power had to have brought you to this Clan. Someone had to have made you a cat, made you be reborn as a cat._ She was getting annoyed by it's voice of reason.

Despite her not _wanting_ to believe in StarClan, she knew wherever that voice had come from was correct. _Someone_ or _something_ had made it possible to be here.

"We should go talk to the elders again! Maybe this time they'll have a story for us!" Snowkit suggested, pulling Nightkit out of her thoughts.

The black cat needed to stop thinking so much. It was going to get her into trouble someday.

"That sounds like fun!" Nightkit purred.

Bluekit looked slightly disappointed that neither of them would be trying the black seeds, but trekked out of Goosefeather's Den and over to the Elder's.

Snowkit and Nightkit followed. The three pushed their way in and the Elder's welcomed them warmly.

It was only after settling down that Nightkit realised she'd just changed one of Bluekit and Snowkit's first experiences in the Medicine Cat Den. Dread settled in her stomach. Nothing bad would come of it. She hoped.

"We've come to hear a story!" Snowkit announced.

"Oh?" Larksong purred. "And what kind of story would you like to here? One of Mapleshade? Or maybe of when your mother and uncle were kits?"

"Mama was a kit?!" Bluekit gasped in astonishment. "She's so big! She couldn't've been a kit!"

The elders' eyes twinkled in amusement. "Oh, she was. Let me tell you about the time she and Goosefeather snuck out of camp."

After the Elders' story, they'd gone back to the Nursery to eat and have a nap.

 **XxXxXx**

" _Where's Sydney? It isn't like her to miss a day of work."_

" _I haven't been able to contact her since Sunday."_

" _She had Monday and Tuesday off. Of course she isn't going to respond to any work related messages."_

 _Nightkit's mouth opened to call over to her friends, her coworkers, hoping to get their attention. She'd all but forgot that she had to close as the manager Wednesday night._

 _She looked down and felt relief flood through her. She was human again. Maybe being a kit was just a weird dream that she could easily forget about._

" _Amy!" She called, but the girl didn't respond. Annoyed, Sydney walked over and stood in front of the girl in question._

 _Still no response. She put a hand on the girl's shoulder. Or she would have, if it hadn't gone through, making her stumble._ What the hell?

 _Was she just dreaming? This didn't feel like a dream. Not the kind she was used to. She dreamed about a lot of things. Running from a murder was her latest one, though she wasn't sure why._

 _She'd never dreamed something quite as dramatic before._

" _Perhaps we should go check on her?"_

" _She'll show up."_

" _Even Melissa doesn't know what's going on. And she's the Store Manager. If Sydney quit, she'd be the first to know."_

" _Sydney loves her job. She wouldn't just quit."_

 **XxXxXx**

Nightkit jerked awake, utterly confused. Was she human or cat? Was her human-self missing? She was so confused.

"Come on, sleepy paws, there's a clan meeting!" Bluekit whispered in her ears, making her flinch.

For a such a tiny thing, her voice sure was loud. Even when it was a whisper. "What's a Clan meeting?" Nightkit whispered back.

The blue she-kit shrugged. "Moonflower said we could go if we were good."

Nodding, Nightkit pushed herself to her paws and padded after Bluekit. They sat close to their mother.

"I would like to welcome Moonflower and Stormtail's kits to their first meeting. While they are a little young, it's good that they're here to witness a ceremony they'll eventually partake in."

Excitement gnawed at Nightkit. What ceremony was going to happen?

"Leopardkit, Patchkit, step forward."

The two older kits scrambled to stand in front of the Leader.

"Leopardkit, from this day forward, until you earn your Warrior name, shall be known as Leopardpaw. Robinwing, you are ready for your first apprentice. Mumblefoot taught you well, pass all you learned onto your new apprentice."

The Warrior nodded, and touched noses with her apprentice, her eyes shining.

"Patchkit, from this day forward, until you earn your Warrior name, shall be known as Patchpaw. Fuzzypelt shall be your mentor. Though you are young, I know you'll pass on all Stormtail taught you."

The new apprentices proudly sat next to their mentors.

There were a few more announcements before the meeting was done. Nightkit was bored by the end of it. Was that all it was? Just a bunch of reports and some ceremonies?

She knew it was best if everyone knew… but why did they have to know all the boring details?

 **XxXxXx**

Moons later, Nightkit stretched. Her claws extending, she glanced over at her sleeping sisters and thought about everything they'd done together. All the places they'd yet to see. She was thankful she hadn't had anymore ... dream-things of her human life, thought she was curious as to what happened after she'd been woken.

They'd seen the Sandy Hollow, Snakerocks, Sunningrocks, and Tall Pine. Granted, they'd had Leopardpaw or Patchpaw each time but that was besides the point.

Nightkit was just a eager as the other two to get out of the nursery. Poppydawn had three kits (Thistlekit, Rosekit, and Sweetkit), and Specklepelt had two (Goldenkit and Lionkit).

It felt a little crowded. But they'd soon be out. Until the younger kits joined them as apprentices, but the apprentice den was so much bigger than the nursery…

She hoped she was an apprentice soon. _It just means you're one step closer to death._ The thought made her shudder, But everyone was always one step closer to death, with every breath they took. It was only different for her because _she knew_ it was going to happen sooner rather than later.


	3. Chapter 3

There were no reports of WindClan stealing prey that day. Or the next. Or the one after. Nightkit was getting antsy. She was ready to start training. She was _ready_ to be an apprentice already. Not that she was in a hurry to lose her mother but…

She was sharing a mouse with her sisters when a clanmeeting was called, all three of their heads snapped up. Was today the day they _finally_ become apprentices?

"Today marks the sixth moon of Bluekit, Nightkit, and Snowkit. They are obviously more than ready to become apprentices."

The three of them jumped to their paws, excitement rippling from the three of them.

"Bluekit, step forward. Until you have earned your Warrior name, you shall be known as Bluepaw. Stonepelt will be your mentor." She looked up at the older tom, excitement clear in her eyes.

Her mentor leaned down and whispered something into her ear.

Nightkit wasn't paying attention. It was her turn next!

"Nightkit, step forward. Until you have earned your Warrior name, you shall be known as Nightpaw. I will be your mentor." Shocked, the newly named apprentice stepped forward and touched noses with the Leader .

 _This isn't right_. She thought as she sat next to her mentor. _Pinestar never took an apprentice in cannon. This wasn't supposed to happen._

Of course, they were meant to have a battle with WindClan two days after becoming an apprentice. That didn't look like it was going to happen. Had Nightpaw being born really changed key events in Bluestar's past?

She felt guilty for it. She didn't know why. Something big was going to happen, and Nightpaw didn't like that feeling.

"Snowkit, step forward. Until you have earned your Warrior name, you shall be known as Snowpaw. Sparrowpelt will be your mentor."

"Bluepaw! Nightpaw! Snowpaw!" The clan cheered. Moonflower and, surprisingly, Stormtail, cheered the loudest. Did that mean he was ready to make his kits feel welcome?

Nightpaw knew her father was busy, and that he was always _there_ if they needed him, but the vibe he gave off eachtime… it was like he wasn't _welcoming_ to his children when they came to him with problems.

If they came to him with problems.

Like any child, there were things they wanted their _father_ for. Advice they wanted _from_ him. Nightpaw believed he felt he couldn't be bothered with _kit problems_ when he had his own, _grown up problems_ , to worry about.

She didn't blame him for not wanting to deal with their trivial problems. She'd hated it when she was an adult. She couldn't imagine what it was like for a fully grown Warrior (who was probably two or three years old).

She looked up at Pinestar, suddenly excited again. She was finally going to learn, firsthand, how the Clan defenders live. How to fight. How to hunt. How to care for the rest of the clan. She knew Pinestar's job was to care for everyone, to make sure they were safe.

It was also Goosefeather and Featherwhisker's job, but the former was rarely seem practicing medicine anymore, just in a different way.

Everyone had different roles. The Warriors fought beside their Leader, they hunter beside him too. She had a feeling that Pinestar wasn't one to just sit back, stay in camp, and be protected.

She didn't know how long he'd been leader; she just knew that he'd since _she_ had been born, but was he the leader when Leopardpaw and Patchpaw were born? She would have to ask.

"What are we doing?" She asked excitedly. "Seeing the borders? Hunting? Battle training?" Her eyes were bright and she almost couldn't keep herself from fidgeting.

The leader looked thoughtful. "I'll show you the borders and the best places to hunt." He finally decided.

Nightpaw was slightly disappointed that she wouldn't being learning how to fight today, but quickly got over it.

Her mentor noticed her expression. "Hunting is just as important. We can't defend our clan without keeping our strengths up." He mewed. "Sometimes it is _more_ important to know." He was clearly recalling something, but was unwilling to tell Nightpaw.

He lead the way out of the camp, slowing his pace so she could keep up. She felt slightly annoyed that he was changing his pace _for_ her.

But she was grateful. By the time they got to the RiverClan border, her legs ached and burned. She felt out of breath. "Is it always this hard to get too?" She asked, trying to get her breathing under control.

Pinestar snorted in amusement. "This is nothing, Nightpaw. Wait until we head off to Highstone."

Her eyes widened. She'd heard of the ancestral stones that they used to communicate with StarClan. She knew they often took apprentices before they could become Warriors.

He purred, "Soon you will be able to make this short journey without breaking a sweat." He gazed across the border.

"One day, we will take back Sunning Rocks." He mumbled under his breath. She had to strain to hear his words, but didn't understand. Wasn't Sunning Rocks already theirs?

He started to lead her to the ShadowClan border. She leaped to her paws and followed him.

"I don't know if my paws will let me hunt today!" She complained as they walked. "They _really_ hurt."

Indeed, it was almost as bad as the time she went to Disneyland without proper shoes and without actually knowing how _big_ the park was. Even Busch Gardens hadn't hurt her feet as much.

"You'll have to get used to working on sore paws, Nightpaw. There will be nights where you don't get to relax, where you don't have a chance to rest your feet."

She was surprised by his words. "When?" She asked curiously. She couldn't think of a reason that she'd never be able to take two minutes to rest her paws.

"When we're in the dead of leaf-bare and you can't find prey to feed the clan." He replied distantly. "None of us will be able to relax."

"Wouldn't that make it easier for us to become ill?" She tilted her head, momentarily forgetting about her sore paws. "We need food, but we also need rest."

"As a Warrior it is our job to defend and hunt. And if that means hunting until you're sick, that's what you'll have to do."

"How will they survive if the Warriors and Apprentices have worked themselves sick?" She couldn't understand his logic. He made it sound like they'd just come out of this terrible sounding Winter. And maybe they had, before she was born.

But she couldn't remember such a terrible winter. She obviously didn't have the same experiences he did. Then again, why would she? She was much younger. She was sheltered as a kit, even if she had been born during the winter he spoke of.

"We'd take turns, but there's no telling when your next rest will be. Nor your next meal."

What was he trying to tell her? That they're going to have a terrible, terrible winter? That the clan was going to _starve_ because they wouldn't be able to find any food?

The fur on her back started to rise. She couldn't control the weather, or the prey, no matter how much she wished she could.

"I don't mean to scare you, Nightpaw." The leader said softly. "I just want you to realize how lucky we are to have such nice weather this season."

Nightpaw let out a sigh. "I know we're lucky." She mewed. "But… why did you tell me that? My paws hurt because I've never walked this much."

He pause for a beat before continuing. "A prepared Warrior is a smart one. I can't prepare you for everything that you're going to encounter, but I can prepare you the best I can."

The black apprentice's tail twitched. "What does that mean?" Why was her mentor talking like he knew something the rest of them didn't.

"It means, the skills you learn as an apprentice aren't the only skills you'll need. Maybe one day you'll come across something and you don't know what to do. The training you're going through are guidelines, but you can make your own choices. You do what you can… whatever is best for the clan."

He stopped before she could respond. "That must be the ShadowClan border." The smell was disgusting. Did ShadowClan cats respond to ThunderClan's scent the same? She filed that away for another day's question. That would most likely have to be something she asked a ShadowClan apprentice.

Her mentor nodded, "Yes. The clans are at peace right now, but we don't want to test that by crossing into another clan's territory. Even if it is by accident."

"The Warrior Code gives them right to chase us off their territory, right?" Her eyes were wide as she took in what Pinestar was saying _now_ , instead of what he'd been saying just a few moments ago.

He nodded. "Within reason. Sometimes Clans need to communicate in between Gatherings."

"Why for? Don't we share what we all need to know during then?" She blinked innocently.

He shook his head, "You'll learn why, in time." He purred, glancing up at the sky. "Come, let's catch something for our clanmates."

She looked up as well and was surprised. The sun was starting to go down. They could've been out all day, could they have? Obviously they had, because everyone was just waking when Nightpaw and her sisters had been made apprentices.

He lead her away from the border. "What do you smell?"

She sniffed, unsure of what the prey smelled like still alive. Because they had to smell different, right? They did smell slightly different, but her eyes brightened when she caught whiff of a mouse.

She happily told her mentor.

"Good. What else is there?" He asked patiently.

"Uhm. I think there is a vole. And I hear a bird chirping somewhere."

"Which do you want to try first?" He questioned.

She froze. Shouldn't he show her how to hunt first? "Vole." She finally decided. He gave her a nod and crouched into a hunting stance.

"Vole, or mouse, hunting requires you to tread lightly because they'll hear you coming and bolt before you're close enough to do even _think_ about catching it."

She nodded and copied her mentor's moves, feeling slightly lopsided as she tried to step as light as she could.

"Relax. You're thinking too much about the move and it's making your muscles tense. You'll injure yourself if you aren't careful."

She tried doing as he said. Slightly relaxing her muscles, she stalked forward. She was surprised that her paws sounded lighter.

"Good. Keep your tail off the forest floor and unmoving. If you make any noise, that will scare the prey and you'll have little to no chance of getting _that_ prey."

She readjusted herself and tried again. She over at her mentor, who nodded. Was she well enough to catch her first kill? Or was she going to mess up and not get anything for her clan?

The new apprentice stalked forward, trying to remember what Pinestar had just said. She got within range of the mouse and got a little closer before pouncing on it.

She dug her claws into it as it squealed. Her stomach clenched in horror as she bit its neck and killed it. She was a murderer. She'd just killed something. They were going to eat it, yet that squeal it made, it made her _not_ want to eat it.

Pinestar came up beside her. "Excellent catch, Nightpaw. Next time, kill your prey _before_ makes a noise and scares the other prey away." He put her tail on her shoulder. "Don't feel bad about it. Prey is sent for us from StarClan. It's why we give thanks every time we eat."

"Why would they let us go hungry, then?" She asked softly.

"So that we're thankful for what we have during New-Leaf, Green-Leaf, and Leaf-Fall."

She nodded, like she understood. Her stomach was still doing flips. She didn't like the feeling of blood on her claws.

She'd have to get use to it. She was going to be a Warrior. She picked up her prey off the ground and Pinestar looked at her worriedly before they headed back to camp.

She wasn't hungry. Moonflower made her eat _something_ , since she hadn't eaten since that morning. She mumbled comforting words into her daughter's ear as they laid in Nightpaw's new nest.

 **XxXxXx**

Three moons later, Nightpaw felt better about hunting. It still made her slightly uncomfortable, but she'd quickly rationalized that Pinestar was right. They had to be thankful that they had full bellies _now_.

The only way to keep their bellies full for the rest of the season. She could feel the air becoming crisper as the weather turned from just right to cold.

Thistlepaw, Sweetpaw, and Rosepaw had barely joined them in the Apprentices' den a half-moon prior.

Two moons ago, Leopardpaw and Patchpaw had gotten their Warrior names, Leopardfoot and Patchpelt.

Such weird names, but Nightpaw was proud of them. They'd worked hard to earn their place in the Warriors' den.

"WindClan has been stealing our prey _again_." Adderfang hissed as Nightpaw pushed her way into the camp, two scrawny birds hanging from her mouth.

She'd gone out early that morning to catch what she could and prove that she was getting over her discomfort of hunting.

 _Oh._ This can't be good. She knew that the battle was supposed to happen shortly after becoming an apprentice. It had been _moons_ since then and it didn't make sense why it would happen _now_ instead of when it was supposed to.

"Every lead-bare they hunt on _our_ lands." Swiftbreeze hissed.

"They need to be taught a lesson!" Thistlepaw chimed in with a hiss.

Nightpaw rolled her eyes at the younger apprentice, "they'll bring the fight to _us_ if we don't bring it to them." She mewed.

She really hated herself for pushing for a battle… that was supposed to happen _moons_ ago. She looked towards the nursery where Moonflower was _again_.

Not that Nightpaw minded her little siblings that had just been born (Daisykit, Nettlekit, and Ivykit) a few sunrises ago. It seemed Stormtail was cursed to only have daughters.

She was about to say something more when Snowpaw and Bluepaw skidded into the camp. "WindClan!" The white apprentice gasped for air. "They're invading!"

Nightpaw's fur prickled as she strained her ears to hear cats running. She leaped to her feet with a hiss as she WindClan Warriors poured into the camp.

Moonflower, despite being still exhausted from her kitting, burst out of the nursery. Leopardfoot had just moved in, expecting her first litter, and Moonflower refused to let the expecting Queen fight.

Stormtail had a word or two about _her_ fighting but couldn't say anything before the ThunderClan cats attacked.

Nightpaw jerked her head to the nursery when she heard a wail. Why were they trying to get into the nursery? What was the purpose. She yanked her claws out of some shecat. She didn't care that she'd taken a chunk of fur.

She saw Moonflower on her side. She bit back a cry as she saw the deep gash in her neck. Fury raged through her as she bolted inside to protect the kits.

The expecting Queen hissed at her as she broke through, before realizing it was one of her clanmates.

Nightpaw quickly ushered all the kits into one nest. "You watch after them. You understand?" She growled at Lionkit and Goldenkit. The two older kits nodded, clearly afraid.

She dug her claws into the floor, daring another Warrior to come in.

Suddenly, two more burst through and Nightpaw had her paws full, to say the least. She kept trying to block their path. Why were they going after Leopardfoot? Why?

Bluepaw and Snowpaw burst in the den. This wasn't the place to fight. This was too small of a space for the five to fight.

The expecting Queen let out a yowl of pain as her contractions began.

Nightpaw panicked. She was no medicine cat. And they were in the middle of a raid. _Hang in there, Leopardfoot_ , she silently willed.

Her lips curled as she started turning back to the attacking warriors. Before she could, she was hit from behind and thrown. She hit her head on the den walls. Hard. She felt disoriented as one of the Warriors growled and hit her again.

She whimpered as they broke one of her legs. Through blurry eyes, she couldn't see Snowpaw and Bluepaw trying to get to her, but the Warrior was much bigger, and much stronger, than either.

The Warrior who was tormenting Nightpaw moved over to Leopardfoot; before he could do anything, Swiftbreeze leaped in and defended her kit (who was having kits of her own).

The world spun as the Warriors darted out of the den. She saw Snowpaw's worried face before she passed out.

* * *

 **Whew! Almost 3000 words. That I wrote since last night.**

 **There are some deaths I believe _need_** **to happen. And some that don't but they're going to happen regardless. *evil laugh***

 **Thank you, everyone who put this story on favorite and follow!**

 **Pecan Chrisp: I actually thought about her leaving the clans or going to another clan. I don't think she'd want to join another clan, even if that meant her dying. Though I do like the idea of her distancing herself from her sisters out of self-preservation.**

 **Whispering Homestuck Trash: I'm glad it gave you chills! I always love it when someone tells me that's what ny writing did when they read it. Pulling on your heartstring, making you angry (for the character, for their choice or for other peoples reaction to said choice), or just giving you some form of response. It makes me feel really good as a writer.**

 **Snowcrystal of Thunderclan: I know. Sad, isn't it? That she's so nonchalant about her impending doom. And yet very salty about it at the same time.**


	4. Chapter 4

Nightpaw blinked, cringing away from the blinding light. She knew she should be feeling pain. She knew that she had a broken bone. Or she thought she did.

What had happened was blurry and she could exactly recall what had happened.

" _Nightpaw, wake up" The words sounded distant and she wasn't sure who was talking. "You have to wake up."_

She flinched at the words. She was awake, wasn't she? The black apprentice glanced around. Her ears flattened when she saw her mother.

Moonflower had stars in her pelt. Maybe she wasn't awake and this was a bad dream.

Her mother _couldn't_ be dead. _She was supposed to die after you'd barely turned six moons._ She shook her head. She _hadn't_ died then, so she wasn't even sure it was _meant_ to happen.

Like a lot of things.

"Oh, my daughter." Her mother said softly, padding over to her and touching noses with her.

Nightpaw breathed in the Queen's scent. "Where am I?" Her mew was weak.

"You're in a land between life and death."

" _Why_ am I here, mother?" Her ears were flat. This place felt familiar. Had she been here before? She was sure she hadn't.

 _Maybe you were here as a human._ Did that would mean her human life was _gone_? She wasn't prepared to face _that_ fact.

She had already come to terms with the fact she wasn't going to have a long life. She had just hoped that… after she died that… she could return to her life as a twoleg.

But is that what she wanted? Did she want to die as she lived? Did she want to go back to a life that would feel _foreign_ and _wrong_?

"Because you have a choice. Your body is still alive. But you suffered great wounds that need time to heal."

Her mind was drawing a blank at what great injuries she had suffered. She knew she had broken bones but…

"All wounds heal, in their own time." Nightpaw sad in confusion. "Why are mine different?"

Moonflower looked at her sadly. "They are grave enough wounds that they could easily kill you."

She felt her ears flatten even more. She couldn't have gotten so injured is such a short battle. "I… I don't understand."

"You can go back to ThunderClan or… you could join StarClan."

Her eyes widened at her mother's words. Her mother's eyes showed how much she didn't wish for Nightpaw to join her, but she couldn't make the decision _for_ her daughter.

" _Featherwhisker said you might die." It was a tom's voice and it sounded terrified. The voice broke as it continued. "You can't die. I just lost your mother, I can't lose one of my kits as well."_

The voice didn't sound as distant. Was her father begging her to stay? She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

"... What about my old life? My life as a twoleg. Could I return there?"

The StarClan warrior shook her head. "You can't return there. It wasn't StarClan that made you a cat."

" _Leopardfoot and Pinestar named their kits."_

She could make out the voice this time. Did that mean she wasn't dying? That she was one step closer to being back in her body?

It sounded like two were arguing softly about something. She resisted the urge to prick her ears, knowing it wouldn't help her hear what was being said.

"Then who…" she started before she started couldn't blood and her chest started hurting.

"You must make the choice. Quickly. Do you want to live or die?" Her mother's tone was urgent.

" _They're na- please don't leave us!" Bluepaw mewed, her voice squeaking with panic._

"Live! I want to live!" Nightpaw gasped out through the pain.

"I love you, my daughter. All will be clear soon." Everything faded to black.

 **XxXxXx**

Nightpaw moaned as she struggled to open her eyes. It took a couple tries and she almost gave up. Perhaps she should have chosen death instead. It probably would have been easier.

She heard sighs of relief. Bluepaw nuzzled her sister's face. She was aware that someone was laying beside her.

She tried to open her eyes again and was relieved when she was able too. Besides the fact that her two sisters were standing in front of her, and that her father was curled around her, she noticed her leg sticking straight out and wrapped in herbs with twigs keeping it straight.

Her breath hitched as a fresh wave of pain came over her. The apprentice refused to make a sound, even if every part of her being was yelling at her to make _some kind_ of noise.

She tried getting up but was gently pushed back into her nest. "It's better if you lay still." Featherwhisker said gently.

She looked up at the Medicine Cat and didn't want to listen. She needed to move or the pain would only intensify. She needed to move or else the broken bone would never…

She sulkily curled back into a ball as tight she could with a hindleg sticking out.

"Will she be fine?" Stormtail fretted over his currently crippled daughter.

"She's made it over the worst of it." Featherwhisker replied "She's fighting off the infection in the broken bone." His voice was calm, like he'd said something like this a thousand times.

"I suggest you all go get rest in your own nests after having a nice meal." The Medicine Cat added "It's been a long three days for everyone."

 _Three days?_ Hearing that it'd been more than a few hours… hunger gnawed at her stomach and she was suddenly aware of how thirsty she was.

She waited until her kin had, reluctantly, gotten out of the healer's den. She dared look up at the cat who had ordered them out.

"Only a few more days and then you can start moving around." For the first time, she saw uncertainty in his eyes.

"You don't know for sure, do you?" She mewed glumly. "I'll still be a Warrior, even if it doesn't heal all the way."

"If it doesn't heal right, you _can_ become a medicine cat. Being a Warrior isn't your only option."

 _I'm not going to be like Cinderpelt,_ she thought crossly. She wasn't going to become a Medicine Cat because she had a permanent limp.

She loved the character, but Nightpaw was nearly done with her training. She _should_ have a couple more moons, but knew it would take more than a couple.

She'd be at least a moon and half behind her sisters. That irritated her slightly, but… what was she supposed to do? She couldn't will her injury to heal faster.

She would just have to prove that she could be the best crippled warrior that ThunderClan had ever seen.

She decided to leave the conversation at that and closed her eyes again, knowing that she wouldn't be falling asleep.

She listened to the rustling around camp, heard her clanmates talk about revenge and how they should raid WindClan's camp and kill three of their clanmates.

She cracked open her eyes when she heard Pinestar call for a clan meeting. Would Featherwhisker let her go? She tried pushing herself to her paws and realized how difficult it was with one of her hindpaws set with twigs and thing.

The medicine cat shook his head at her stubbornness and helped her get up. She leaned on him as they exited the den.

She saw relief in her mentor's eyes when he saw that she was awake and aware enough to come to the meeting, even though she knew nobody had expected it of the cat with a broken leg.

A cat who had, apparently, almost died.

"Three days ago we long three of our clanmates." He started. "You all know that Goosefeather, Moonflower, and Speckletail joined StarClan." He paused as he heard angry hissing.

"We _will_ get over this lose. Heatherstar _will_ answer for her clan's raid."

"Are we going to attack their camp?" Bluepaw hissed, anger flashing in her blue eyes. "They killed my mother and crippled my sister! They _have_ to be taught a lesson!" The apprentice's claws dug into the ground.

"We will not be attacking them back." Pinestar rationed.

There was more hissing.

"WindClan acted like rogues, that doesn't mean we must stoop to their level." How was Pinestar so calm when there was so much anger coming from the clan? "We _won_ their raid. It was at a cost, the casualties could have been _much worse_."

"Pinestar is right." Nightpaw mewed softly to Featherwhisker. " _I_ could have died. _Leopardfoot_ could have died, along with her kits."

The medicine cat gave a short nod, showing that he heard her.

"Our Apprentices fought bravely to defend our clan. Three of them have little more to learn. While they still have the name 'paw', know that they've more than earned their Warrior name."

Did that mean…?

"I will not be making them Warriors today. This is not a punishment for any of them. They are in shock, they are grieving, they are healing. They need a few more moons in sharpening their skills."

Nightpaw's ears drooped. She was looking forward to becoming a Warrior. They weren't ten moons old yet, she could see why he was hesitant to make them full members of the clan.

"We should be thankful that, while we long three, we gained just as many: Sagekit, Nightkit, and Tigerkit. We thank ShadowClan for letting Sagewhisker come to our aid when Featherwhisker couldn't been in two places at once. We could have lost Leopardfoot and Nightpaw, if it weren't for her clan's kindness."

The black apprentice's ears flicked. They were indebted to ShadowClan, she was sure the clan would come asking for something _eventually_. She was surprised by the names of the kits. Had they named Nightkit after her? It sounded like Sagekit had been named after the ShadowClan Medicine Cat.

The meeting ended on a positive note and Nightpaw realized how exhausted sitting there, listening and observing, for thirty minutes had sapped her strength.

It probably didn't help that she was actively ignoring the throbbing pain in her outstretched leg.

She wanted to meet the newest additions to the clan, but she wasn't sure she could make it that far without injuring herself.

Again, she struggled to her paws and required help from Featherwhisker. She was unsure what this meant for him, Spottedleaf had been an apprentice before Goosefeather had retired.

Nightpaw swallowed. It wasn't her place to question the _how_ as long as the outcome was the same.

She settled into her nest and instantly fell into a restless sleep.

 **XxXxXx**

The splint was taken off almost a moon later and she tenderly put pressure on her hindleg. She flinched in pain when she stood. It brought tears to her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. She limped out of Featherwhisker's Den.

He insisted she stay where he could keep checking on her throughout the night.

It was getting tiresome. She was learning herbs when she didn't want to, she was taking care of trivial things (thorn in the paw, burrs in the tail, etc. etc.) and she was worried they'd started thinking she was going to be a healer and not a fighter.

As it was, she could see her sisters' muscles getting more toned while she wasted away from lack of leaving the camp. She felt like she only knew a quarter the pain a Queen did. They were stuck off duty for _moons_ before going back to their Warrior duties.

She felt miserable as she saw the first snowfall. It was going to be difficult, getting her strength back in her hindleg. But she would stubbornly do it.

She had alienated herself from her kin. She had realized she didn't want to _chance_ dying anytime soon.

"I don't understand why you refuse to become a Medicine Cat." Featherwhisker said a week later, while they were gathering herbs. "You're a quick study with herbs, you're kind and patient, and you're starting to get the ha-"

"We've already gone over this." She snapped. "I will not be taking any vows of Chastity. I _want_ a mate. I _want_ kits. I'm not giving that up because I'm good at something besides being a Warrior."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "The whole clan will be your kits." He reminded her.

"I don't want to care for the well-being of everyone. I will hunt and defend my clan with _claws_ not _herbs_." Her tone was cross. Why was he pushing so hard for her to become an apprentice for even longer than she would be as a warrior apprentice.

She wasn't as kind as he claimed. She just knew not to show her temper when there was work.

"I appreciate that you've taught me so much, but I'm _ready_ to start my training with Pinestar again."

His tail drooped. "I know you're ready to start training again. I was just hoping…"

She touched noses with him. "You're a great teacher, and someone who wants to fully take over your duties will one day be born and you'll _know_ when that cat is born."

She hated doing this to him. Perhaps if she weren't so stubborn and prideful, she'd cave and become a medicine cat apprentice.

She finished helping him gather herbs and they walked back to camp in silence.

Once dropping off the herbs at the den, she made her way over to Pinestar. "I'm ready to begin training again." She informed him.

He looked shocked. "Are you sure? Aren't you still healing?"

"My leg will never heal properly. That doesn't mean I can't be a Warrior." Her eyes narrowed at him. If he told her she couldn't…

"We'll resume tomorrow after the Gathering." He decided after a moment of pause. He eyed her. "Do you think you can make the journey?"

She stiffened. She wasn't completely used to walking with her limp. She let out a sigh. "I don't think I can. Not this moon." She mewed sadly.

He gave his apprentice as sad nod before going back to his meal. She turned and walked away.

 **XxXxXx**

Nightpaw was still babying her leg the next moon. That hadn't stopped Pinestar from pushing her harder and harder until she _couldn't_ keep pressure off her leg.

It was irritating her and she'd hissed at him more than once. Did she want special treatment? Not exactly, but she was sure _she hadn't_ fully come to terms with the fact that she'd have a lame leg the rest of her life.

"You're never going to _learn_ how to use your disability to your advantage if you don't _try_." Pinestar snapped. "You act like you don't want anything to do with it. It's part of _who you are_ and you have to accept it."

"I _have_ accepted it!" She hissed back. "It just hurts the more you push!" Her eyes flashed in ire.

"Your sister is just as bad tempered as you are. At least _she's_ making an effort! You _have_ to put more weight on your leg otherwise what's the point?"

It was a rhetorical question, she was sure. She wanted to answer, but he stalked away before she could. She let out an angry hiss as she followed him back to camp.

She stalked past Lionpaw and Goldenpaw, ignoring their mewed of greeting. She took an angry bite of a scrawny vole.

The apprentice listened as Pinestar made her sisters Warriors without her. She glared down at her food and didn't shout their names with the rest of the clan.

She saw the hurt in their eyes but she couldn't find it in herself to care.

Nightpaw was so _angry_ and _bitter_. She should have chosen to die. Then she wouldn't have to deal with these emotions. She wouldn't have to deal with the pitying looks her clanmates gave her when they thought she wasn't looking.

She would've learned what had happened to her human life. She wouldn't be waiting for death to claim her. She wasn't trying as hard as she knew she could but.. she was just irritated that she had to relearn a lot of things.

The apprentice moved to her den, emotionally exhausted. She'd try harder tomorrow. She'd _try_ to reign in her temper.

* * *

 **HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING. I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A WONDERFUL TURKEY DAY.**

 **I think I should say that the only reason this has been updated so often is because i've had like, this whole week off. It's been very nice and relaxing. Next week I go back to like, 40 hours and I won't have as much time to give to this story. So, while I can, I'm trying to update as often as I can with the time I have.**

 **Adulting sucks.**

 **Snowcrystal of ThunderClan: I love dramatic cliff hangers. I'll attempt to not do them often (If it ever gets bad, just remind yourself that the PJO fandom _literally fell off a cliff._ and had a full year of freefalling.) I feel like it shows a little more in this chapter how salty Nightpaw actually is with everything, though she blames it more on her injury than anything.**

 **Sharpbreeze(guest): :) Thank you for liking my writing!**


	5. Chapter 5

Nightpaw worked harder the days following. She hadn't congratulated her littermates in earning their Warrior names, but she couldn't bring herself to feel happy for Bluefur and Snowfur.

She knew it was irrational, but a lot of what she did wasn't her best decisions anymore.

Her leg still bothered her, though she was _finally_ learning to ignore the pain. She barely spent any time with her clanmates, or her mentor. But Pinestar was missing the majority of the time so it didn't bother her much.

She missed sleeping next to her littermates and their relationship, but she figured they'd be better if they weren't close.

She was also starting to realize how lonely she felt in a den with six other cats. Why was she feel like an outcast when she was the oldest? When she was working harder than they knew?

Nightpaw's claws dug into the frozen ground. She had been chosen to go the Gathering for the first time in three moons and she wasn't sure if she could make the short journey.

It was starting to get warmer, though the snow stubbornly refused to melt in some places. Her leg would hopefully feel better in the warm weather. She'd heard aged (or injured) bones hurt more in the cold, though she wasn't sure what that meant for _her_.

She'd gotten the injury in cold weather. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much?

Either way… she'd have to figure something out if it hurt to much to do her duties.

She managed to keep up with her clanmates, knowing they were watching out for her. She knew her mentor was going slower than they normally did and felt slightly irritated because of it, but didn't complain.

Upon arriving at Fourtrees, the clan split apart. It felt weird, being in at a gathering without Moonflower. It felt weird that her littermates were Warriors (newly promoted, but the sentiment was the same) while she was still an apprentice.

She wondered what Pinestar would say. _It's almost time for him to leave ThunderClan for the soft hearted life of a housecat._ She thought bitterly.

Was he going to promote her to Warrior or would that be Sunstar's job? Was Thistlepaw going to be promoted before her? Was she _ever_ going to be a Warrior for her clan?

She sat as far away from any WindClan cat as she could, though it looked like her Clanmates wounds were beginning to heal (or they were better at hiding their feelings than she) and ended up sitting in the middle of a ShadowClan clump.

The apprentice wondered what WindClan had said in defense of their actions, but didn't have the guts to ask anyone. If it were up to her, she'd rather forget anything had happened.

She got distracted when she saw the brown warrior sitting next to her glance over at her and take her in. She started to bristle when his gaze lingered on her bad leg.

He didn't say anything about it. "What's your name?" He asked her. "I haven't seen you at a gathering.."

She couldn't get made at him. She'd gone to one gathering before her injury and that was _five moons ago_.

Oh, God. She hadn't realized how much time had passed since then. How much she'd grown.

"Nightpaw." She said stiffly "And yours?"

"Nutwhisker." He replied. If he was shocked that she was an apprentice still, then he didn't show it.

She didn't recognize the name, though she supposed she wouldn't. She hardly knew anything about anyone from the other clans. She remembered some names, the ones that were important in the series. But everyone else…

"Isn't Stonetooth ShadowClan's deputy?" She mewed in confusion, noticing the change of cats. She recognized Shellheart and Talltail, but not the ShadowClan one.

Was it Raggedpelt? Her mind was starting to hurt; she was trying to keep track of events but… some of them weren't happening the way she thought they were. She couldn't keep playing the 'guessing game' and try to predict when something was going to happen.

 _It isn't your job_ , a snide voice added. _You shouldn't be expected to know what is going to happen before it happens. You're just one cat, after all._

"Stonetooth retired two moons ago." Nutwhisker replied. "Raggedpelt took his place." The tom sounded proud.

"Are you two littermates?" She tilted her head, extremely curious about who the new deputy's family was.

The Warrior shook his head. "Rowanberry and Yellowfang are."

The first name, she didn't recognize. She did, however, know who Yellowfang was.

She began to ask him to point out his littermates but was cut off when the leaders decided the Gathering was to begin. She expected Pinestar to go first (but that was probably because he was her _mentor_ and _leader_ ) but instead Cedarstar went first.

"Yellowfang has decided to start training as a Medicine Cat." He announced. There were warm mews of congratulates.

She noticed Raggedpelt looked exceptionally proud of the new Medicine Cat Apprentice, though she saw a hint of sadness in his gaze.

She wondered when Brokentail was going to be born. He was born after Yellowfang began training, but before she became a full Medicine Cat. At least she knew one event that couldn't necessarily change.

She had gotten better about not tuning out, but she couldn't help it sometimes. She managed to bring the world back into focus when Nutwhisker nudged her. She shot a glare at him, he shrugged, and she resisted the urge to give an exaggerated sigh.

"ThunderClan has two new Warriors: Bluefur and Snowfur. We also have two new apprentices: Goldenpaw and Lionpaw." He waited for the mews of congratulations to die down before continuing.

Nightpaw felt dread settle in the pit of her stomach." We are _finally_ beginning to recover from WindClan's attack." Pinestar stated coldly, glaring at Heatherstar. "Our kits aren't terrified of each and every unfamiliar cat or sound."

"No kit was injured." Heatherstar replied with just as much coldness.

"It was an unjustified attack that left one of our apprentices gravely injured, five of our kits motherless, _and_ our Medicine Cat was killed!" He spat. "Nobody had to die." His eyes were cold and his claws unshelthed.

"That's collateral damage." The WindClan leader hissed. "ThunderClan was plotting to attack _my_ clan!"

"If we were, at least we wouldn't have killed _queens_ and _medicine cats_." Bluefur hissed, leaping to her paws.

Her sister was ready for a fight and all Nightpaw could do was shrink into herself. They couldn't fight here. They were under a truce.

Nutwhisker glanced at the crippled apprentice. He gave her comforting licks, even though they were in separate clans.

Nightpaw slowly began to relax, though she could still feel her heart racing painfully in her chest. Would she be able to fight to defend her clanmates? Would she be able to every day of the moon besides the fullmoon?

There was hissing and growling going all around. She noticed only Nutwhisker and her weren't making a sound.

Hailstar raised his voice over the snarling cats. "This meeting is over." The RiverClan leader leaped down from where he sat.

The other leaders following suit. The clans disbursed into their groups, but Nightpaw didn't want to move.

Nutwhisker nudged her to her paws and she numbly followed him to her clanmates. "Let me know when you become a Warrior." He whispered to her. "I want to be the first of another clan to congratulate you."

She felt her fur grow hot. "It might be moons from now."

He shrugged, "Still, let me know what your Warrior name is." He stated before padding away.

Her sisters padded beside her on the walk home. "You seem to be getting very comfortable with that ShadowClan tom." Bluefur observed.

"We talked a little before the Gathering." Nightpaw defended. "There isn't anything wrong with making conversation."

"It looked like there was more than just conversation about clans."

"Shut up, Snowfur." Nightpaw snapped irritably. "He comforted me when _Bluefur_ almost started a fight."

Her two littermates exchanged a glance a _look_ and that irritated the crippled cat more. How dare they think they knew something when they didn't!

"Just be careful, Nightpaw." Snowfur warned.

"Warriors for _three days_! And you!think you know _more_ than me!" Her lip curled in the beginning of snarl.

"I'm just trying to—"

"Don't. I don't _need_ nor _want_ your protection."

She could feel her two sisters gazes on her as she bolted away from them. She made conversation with Sweetpaw, though her mind wasn't in it.

* * *

 **Sorry for the short chapter. I know it's like, half of what the last few chapters have been but... I guess I could put it as a sidething but idk I feel like it fits just fine. Nightpaw should be a Warrior by the next chapter**

 **Sierra stanley 52: I feel like she'll never have a always have a negative relationship with WindClan. She'll most defiantly have a positive relationship with ShadowClan (but that's only bc I never really liked RiverClan). I'm getting way ahead of myself in plotting. I'm thinking this can easily tie into Cannon. Of course some things will always be changed because of Nightpaw _existing._**

 **Snowcrystal of ThunderClan: Miss Nightpaw is extremely salty. About everything. And I agree: to many cliff hangers in a row are terrible _unless_ that's how the story is supposed to be. Like it's written to keep you on your toes.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: you have been warned of the second half of the chapter**

"... Nightfur. StarClan honors your determination and spirit. We welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

It was nearly three weeks later and the newly named Nightfur proudly sat straight as her clan cheered her name.

She was surprised to see her littermates cheering just as loud as the rest of them. Did they forgive her for her temper? The temper she'd let get out of hand? Not that she'd directed it at anyone besides them.

It wasn't her sister's fault that WindClan had left her damaged.

She realized that her little sisters were almost four moons old. She wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed. She felt guilty for not being the best big sister. She hadn't been the _best_ sister to any of her siblings.

She wasn't sure she wanted to get to know them. Nightfur still felt like she was looking over her shoulder everyday just to make sure her death wasn't coming.

She felt her excitement die down with her thoughts but refused to let others know what she was thinking.

The black warrior still felt like everyone was pitying her because of her leg, but she knew they'd all gotten past it. Well, apparently, some part of her didn't know that.

She felt excited again at the thought of seeing Nutwhisker again. They were just friends. And they hadn't had to fight each other. _Yet_.

She really hated the voice of reason that seemed to pop up whenever it felt like it.

Ones the yells died down, Pinestar continued. "You will watch the camp tonight."

The newly named warrior knew that the Leader wanted to say something more. She had a feeling she knew what it was.

Had he stayed longer than expected because he'd taken her as an apprentice? Had he stayed to finish her training?

Others waited for him to continue. She glanced at Lionpaw who looked worried and knowledgeable. He knew too.

Pinestar didn't say anything more and dismissed the clan before retreating back into his den for the night.

Nightfur followed him, Lionpaw right behind her. It wasn't night-fall quiet yet, her vigil didn't start until then.

"Why didn't you say what you wanted?" Nightfur asked curiously.

Pinestar turned and gave her a wary look. "I said what was needed to be said."

"If you don't want to be leader, just say it." She forced herself to keep her temper in check. "If you want to be a kittypet then just _leave_."

The leader looked at her with wide eyes, as if wondering how his former apprentice knew his secret. He glanced at Lionpaw who shook his head in answer.

Pinestar's eyes narrowed at Nightfur. "Have you been spying on me?" He accused.

"No. I've just been observing everything. You disappeared more than once in the few moons. Did the battle scare the battlescard leader?" Her expression was emotionless.

Before he could protest her words, she went on. "The clan doesn't need a leader with paws in both worlds. The clan _needs_ someone who puts everything for their clan."

"I've given this clan _eight_ lives!" He snapped. "I don't want to give up my last one!"

" _StarClan_ gave you those nine lives for _ThunderClan_. It's a little selfish to not give up all of them for your clan, don't you think?"

She shot Lionpaw a glare when he opened his mouth to speak. He quickly closed it and held his tongue.

"I've given eight lives in three years!" He spat. "I've watched my clanmates die around me! I've watched borders change and change and _change!_ I've been in more battles than you can imagine." His eyes were cold. "I've lead ThunderClan through tough times. I _deserve_ to spend my last life in peace."

"Then _retire_ like all the other cats do when they've served their time."

Nightfur glanced outside, suddenly dreading watching the clan. If the leader didn't have his heart in protecting his clan, why should she? She shook that thought off. He'd given his heart and soul long enough. Anyone his age would have retired by now.

She glared over at the leader. "Obviously I can't tell you what to do, but I think you need to decide once and for all where your heart truly lays."

She turned and exited the den. She shouldn't have said what she'd said — even she didn't know where her loyalties lay. Did her loyalties lie more with Nutwhisker or her clan? She felt like she needed to leave. She needed to get away. Had she just trapped herself in the clan?

She sat silently in the middle of the camp for the night, icily glancing around to make sure she knew where everyone was.

Stormtail approached her the next morning, saying that her vigil was over. She could eat something and go make a nest and rest for a few hours before her warrior duties began.

She wasn't hungry, and she wasn't _feeling_ tired, but she knew he'd ask what was wrong and she didn't want to have a conversation about what she felt with her father.

She slightly dipped her head to him before turning and padding to her new den. Where was she supposed to sleep? She didn't want to take someone else's nest…

The warrior saw an open nest next to her sisters and hesitantly moved over to them. Bluefur cracked open an eye.

"That nest is free." She yawned, standing touching noses with her sister. "We're really proud of you." She added warmly.

Nightfur settled herself in her new nest, wishing she was back in the Apprentices' Den. It didn't feel as crowded.

She listened as her sisters padded out of the den. Hours must have passed and she still hadn't slept. She pushed herself to her paws, feeling drowsy. She stretched to get blood flowing and left the den.

"Nightfur," Sunfall called her over "I want you on Bluefur's hunting patrol."

She blinked the tiredness away from her eyes and nodded at the deputy as she went to join her sister's first patrol (as leader). Thistlepaw and Adderfang were hunting with them as well.

She wondered if it was time for Thistlepaw to become a warrior. She was sure he'd be promoted with his sisters, since Sweetpaw and Rosepaw hadn't spent time ill.

She trekked behind the rest of them, her ears pricked to hear what she could. When Bluefur signaled for them to stop so she could hunt, she waited for Thistlepaw to make a noise.

She inwardly sighed when he did. Bluefur turned on him, furious, for he had scared off the prey. The apprentice shrugged which made the blue warrior even more furious.

They split off into solo hunting with Thistlepaw as watch. He complained that the crippled cat should keep watch since _he_ could hunt better that _her_.

Nightfur had to remind herself that he was her clanmate and that Snowfur liked him. That was the only thing that kept her from clawing his ears off.

It seemed like her not reacting was all that was holding Bluefur back. Adderfang, however, hissed at him to show respect to his clanmates.

Nightfur moved silently through the undergrowth. It was warm weather and it would be plentiful. No cat would go hungry. She hoped.

She let out a hiss of irritation when Thistlepaw called a false warning.

 _Now_ she wanted to claw some realism into the tom, but clenched her jaw and kept hunting. She ignored his other warnings until it was _Adderfang_ who called it.

She flinched and ran with a fat mouse in her jaws to where her clanmates were gathered. Bluefur and Adderfang where spitting at the dog from where they were crouched in a tree. A rabbit lay next to her sister.

Nightfur stiffened when the dog smelt her. She couldn't outrun a dog. Not by a long shot. She'd be _It's prey_ before she got a running chance.

Still, she had to try. And she doubted they'd care about the fat mouse if it were used as a distraction. The thought crossed her mind but before she could act on it, her clanmates leaped from where they were perched, Bluefur's rabbit in her jaws.

She turned and ran, her clanmates hot on her trail. She was sure the dog was right behind them.

Bluefur darted in front of her, running to get help.

Nightfur got halfway to the camp when her leg started cramping. _Perfect timing_.

She wouldn't be any use in a battle with a _dog._ She was out of breath and she knew she couldn't be useful if she froze in terror every time or used her leg as a crutch.

Nightfur tossed her prey away and crouched, ready to fight the dog, when Thistlepaw came barging through and and started fighting the mutt.

He hissed at her to go, that he could handle it. She hesitated before resuming her run, picking her prey, and racing into camp.

Already cats were exiting to help the apprentice as she pushed her way through.

She knew they weren't needed when she heard whining and saw the dog fleeing with some nasty claw marks.

Bluefur had followed her down to make sure she was fine and Adderfang hadn't had a chance to attack before Thistlepaw ran it off.

Still, a patrol was sent to make sure it was off their territory. Needless to say, Thistlepaw became Thistle _claw_ after that reckless show of bravery.

Nightfur was exhausted when she climbed into her nest that night. _I'll have to tell Nutwhisker tomorrow._ She thought tiredly.

 **XxXxXx**

 **Warning: If you ignored the first warning here is your second**

Nightfur woke up for Dawn Patrol the next day, still not fully rested. She doubted she'd ever get enough sleep. She thought back to when she was a kit, nestled safely beside her sisters and mother.

She never realized how much she'd miss those midday naps and days of not worrying about a thing.

They were patrolling the ShadowClan border and felt excitement jolt through her at the prospect of seeing Nutwhisker again. It had only been a few days, but it felt longer.

She was falling head over heels for him and she didn't know if she wanted to stop her feelings. Now that she was a Warrior, it'd be easier to slip away to meet him. Her paws tingled in anticipation.

When she saw Nutwhisker, she had to fight against the urge to rush to meet him. He gave her a rueful smile and followed his clanmates.

She fought against the wave of disappointment. They'd just have to talk later, then.

 _We've barely known each other for a moon_ , she tried to rationalize. _How can I be sure that what I feel is real?_

Nightfur had never been in love. Not as human, and certainly not as a cat. She didn't know what it felt like to be in love and have your heart broken.

She was torn between logic and feeling. Logically, she knew she shouldn't be even considering getting into a relationship with the ShadowClan tom, but her feelings told her to take a chance on him.

Once her patrol was over, she tried sneaking away. She hoped that she could talk to Nutwhisker. She'd told him that she'd passed her warrior assessment a few nights ago. He'd been proud that she was getting the name she'd earned _moons_ ago.

Before she could leave the camp, Pinestar called her to his den. Her heart dropped.

"Yes, Pinestar?" She mewed warily as she pushed her way into his den.

"Thistleclaw tells me you ignored his warnings about the dog yesterday." The leader's eyes narrowed. "You put your clanmates at risk."

"He kept—"

"I don't _care_ if he was calling false alarms or not. You all could have been killed because of _your_ recklessness."

" _My_ recklessness?" She growled. "If he hadn't raised _three false alarms_ prior to that, I wouldn't've ignored him!"

" _You_ are—"

"You think I don't know that I run with a limp? That I'll never be able to do my job to my full capacity? I did what you wanted: I stopped pretending like it didn't exist."

He glared at her. " _You_ can't afford to ignore _any_ alarms false or otherwise."

Nightfur glared right back at him. "I don't need a wannabe Kittypet telling me what to do."

The leader looked furious at her words. "I am still your Clan leader." He hissed the words.

"For how long? A few day? Half a moon, at most?" She didn't care that she was talking to Pinestar in such a way. If he wanted to be a soft-hearted housecat, then he forfeited any respect he'd earned.

He looked like he was going to snap something back at her, but instead growled "Get out of my den."

Nightfur turned and exited the den. She immediately left the camp, her fur ruffled as her temper refused to simmer down. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Not her clanmates and not Nutwhisker.

She wanted to be alone, but at the same time, she didn't. She wished she could talk to somebody. Despite what she said, she _did_ have some respect left for the Leader. She couldn't betray her clan.

Even if her heart was saying that it wasn't her clan anymore. That she didn't _belong_ in any clan. She swallowed as she found herself sitting next to the spot where she usually met Nutwhisker.

She crouched under a bush. She didn't want to think anymore. She thought to much as it was. She pressed her paws to her ears.

 _Stop being depressed over your clan._ She growled to herself.

But she wasn't depressed. She was angry.

Angry at whoever stole her life and made her a cat.

Angry at WindClan for killing her mother and leaving her crippled.

Angry at Pinestar for not trusting her.

Angry at Snowfur for falling for Thistleclaw.

Angry at Thistleclaw for making her look stupid and incompetent as a warrior.

Angry at _herself_ for wanting to live instead of die for her littermate's destiny.

She had just become a warrior. She couldn't just… leave ThunderClan, but she was miserable. She couldn't just leave the clans, she couldn't just _leave_ Nutwhisker.

Even though she was falling hard for him, she felt closer to him than she did anyone in her own clan. It felt like he was her best friend.

The black warrior had moved her paws at some point. She lifted her head when she scented Nutwhisker nearby. She didn't know how long she'd been crouched beneath the bush, but she'd moved to laying.

"Nightpaw?" He mewed worriedly when he saw her. "What's wrong?"

She didn't have the strength to tell him about her new name. She barely had the strength to look at him and register the worry etched on his face, in his eyes. Was it bad that she didn't care?

"I shouldn't be here." She whispered numbly. She couldn't feel anything. Hate, depression, anger, happiness. She _couldn't_ feel what she'd just been feeling when she'd stormed out of her camp.

She saw him flinch. "Then why are you here?"

"I don't belong." Her mind felt fuzzy and she felt detached from her emotions. Her tone had gone from portraying a little emotion to none in a matter of seconds.

"What do you mean?" He mewed in alarm. He'd never heard her sound… so emotionless. She had always seemed so strong, but right now she looked broken and weak and he didn't know how to help.

"I don't belong." She repeated, resting her head on her paws.

"Of course you belong." He was at a loss as to what the right words were. He could see that she wasn't focusing on what she was saying. She probably wasn't hearing what _he_ was saying and both those combined terrified him.

He crossed the border and settled next to her. She looked so fragile and small.

She gave him a bitter laugh. "ThunderClan doesn't need a crippled warrior."

Nutwhisker knew it wasn't _Nightpaw_ talking. It was… but at the same time, it wasn't. He couldn't describe it if someone asked. "What makes you say that?"

She turned her blank gaze to him. "I can't move as fast as the other warriors. I can't defend myself …"

"Of course you can defend yourself!" He touched noses with her. She flinched back. "Just because you need help doesn't mean you're any less of a warrior."

He realized he didn't know her new name, but it wasn't the time to ask.

"I shouldn't be… _here_."

He had a feeling she didn't mean _here_ as in where she was, but he didn't know _what_ she meant.

She pushed scrambled out from underneath the bush and he didn't hesitate before following. "I need to get home."

She wasn't padding towards the ThunderClan camp. Did she have another home?

He padded beside her. "Your home isn't this way."

"It is." She insisted.

Nutwhisker still hadn't found out what had gotten into her.

"I need to see my Mother and Father." She added, as if that made anymore sense.

"Your mother is dead." He gently reminded her

She adamantly shook her head. "She isn't dead." She sounded so sure about that.

"They've been looking for me for over year."

Her gaze still hadn't come back into focus, and her tone still didn't hold any emotion. It was making him nervous.

"They've always known where you were." He stepped in front of her, she tried stepping around him. He decided to go with what she was saying, even if it made no sense to him.

"Then why haven't they come to get me?" She sounded distraught. He felt a little relief that there was some emotion she managed to use. She'd stopped trying to get around him.

"Because you're better where you are." He placed a tail on her shoulder and guided her back to the bush she'd been under where he'd found her. She obviously didn't want to be in her camp, or else she would have been there and someone there would have talked with her.

Even if wasn't _her_ he was talking too.

They settled back under the bush.

"Pinestar thinks I'm a liability." She looked exhausted, but he knew she wasn't going to sleep until she said what she needed to say. It might take all day and night, but it didn't matter to him.

"Do you think you are?" He didn't take his gaze off her.

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I think."

"He's going to make me be an apprentice again." She whispered. "He's going to make me be a Medicine Cat Apprentice." She sounded miserable.

He some relief with the return of emotion to her voice.

"He can't make you do something you don't want."

She turned her head away. "The Clan leader's word is law." She reminded him.

" _He_ can't make StarClan accept you as a Medicine Cat."

"But Featherwhisker can."

She was a thousand steps away even with her laying beside him.

"Even he doesn't control StarClan."

"What if it's StarClan's will?"

"If it were, you wouldn't've had the determination to earn a nest in the Warriors den."

"How can you be sure?" He saw her eyes focus on him. He wasn't sure if she was back, if whatever had come over her had passed.

"Because you don't have the patience that comes with being a Medicine Cat." His sister was patient enough, as short tempered as she was.

"I'd hate to keep calling you Night _paw_ when it isn't your name anymore." He added teasingly.

Her gaze was calculating as she stared at him. "I didn't tell you?" She sounded genuinely confused. "It's Nightfur now."

She leaned against him. "I'm tired." She mewed with a yawn.

"Then sleep."

She could sleep, but he wasn't going to. He felt the need to watch her and he wasn't sure how he'd manage that with her in ThunderClan and him in ShadowClan.

* * *

 **I hope that wasn't to much. I hope it wasn't dark. I don't know if I should have Pinestar killed and Bluefur be Sunfall's only deputy or if I should have Pinestar leave and follow canon** _ **a lil bit**_ **.**

 **NightmareTheFoxWitch: I suppose I can let you been captain )**

 **Snowcrystal of Thunderclan: ScFi stories can get scary :u**

 **Moonblossom32: I agree. Nightfur should not die. And I think I'm leaning more towards she doesn't. One of her kits will probably be the feature of the next series. Can't decide if they should be in ShadowClan or ThunderClan, though.**

 **Sunfrost21-KITSTAR: oooh thank you for the complement. I feel extra pressured to tell an amazing story. I feel like it isn't exactly a** _ **hint hint**_ **anymore.**

 **Sierra stanley 52: I never see any fanfictions with Nutwhisker in it! I feel like we all forgot about the poor tom; everyone focuses on Yellowfang a lot more. Rowanberry? Nutwhisker? Who are they? I knew Foxheart and that was about all I knew before I went digging for possible mates for Nightfur.**


	7. Chapter 7

The ThunderClan Warrior wasn't even sure what time it was. She'd been on Dawn Patrol and then argued with Pinestar. She had been so _angry_ and _distraught_ that she'd ended up where she was without realizing it.

When Nutwhisker had showed up, she'd barely been able to recognize him. That's when everything started going fuzzy and she was speaking without thinking, without it filtering through.

Nightfur remembered a little from before she woke next to Nutwhisker, but a lot of it felt like a bad dream. She couldn't remember what she'd said, but she did remember Nutwhisker's worried expression. She was sure he was terrified at one point.

She didn't have the strength to ask. She almost refused to open her eyes. She could hide from his questions all she wanted, but she'd still have to tell him _something_.

"I know you're awake." He said tenderly.

She let out a long sign. She should have known that she couldn't pretend to sleep. She opened her eyes and turned her head to face him. "I can't remember." She whispered. It was mostly true. She was trying to stay calm, trying to keep herself from being overwhelmed by her emotions.

She watched him study her, and wondered what he was thinking. She was suddenly nervous about what he'd say and what she'd _said_. What was he going to tell her?

"You said that you needed to go find your Mother and Father." He finally said "It made no sense, you mother is in StarClan"— she flinched at the reminder — "and your father is back in your camp."

She wanted her parents, the ones that had actually raised her. Without them, her human parents, she probably wouldn't be where she was. She hadn't longed for them since she was injured.

She knew he was looking for an answer to what she'd said yesterday. Her voice was weak when she replied, "Everything went fuzzy just before you arrived."

Nightfur knew he was looking for more than just the vague answer she'd given, but she couldn't give him the answers he wanted without seeming more crazy than she already did.

Nutwhisker sighed and she was positive he _knew_ there was more than she was telling him. "You weren't yourself." He murdered, burying his head in her fur. "I didn't know if _you_ were coming back."

She didn't understand what he meant. Her head tilted to the side, but she didn't ask the question. "I'll always come back." She mewed softly. "I'll always come back for _you_."

It was probably a dangerous thing to say, all things considered. It just felt… right. It felt like the best thing _to_ say. She didn't know where their relationship was going, or if it was going anywhere at all, but she knew that she wasn't going to be able to survive without him.

Whether they were friends or something more.

"We should get back to our clans. I'm sure they miss us." She didn't want to move. As stiff as she was getting, she was comfortable. She didn't have to answer questions that she _couldn't_ answer.

Nutwhisker looked distraught over the idea. "I don't want to let you out of my sight."

"The Gathering is in a few days." She reminded him gently. "We'll see eachother then."

"We both might not..."

Nightfur purred. "It'll my first Gathering as a Warrior. Pinestar _has_ to take me." Her tone was light, though there was more to it than just her first Gathering as Night _fur_.

"I'll be fine," she added, she sounded a lot sturdier than she felt.

He still looked at her worriedly, but didn't protest anymore as she scrambled out from the bush. She touched noses with him before turning and headed back to her camp.

 **XxXxXx**

Nightfur wasn't looking forward to entering the camp. She could just runaway, she was sure they wouldn't miss her and she was sure Nutwhisker would come with her.

The new warrior couldn't ask that of the tom, though. It wouldn't be fair. She knew it couldn't've been that long, but it was probably long enough for her clanmates to start worrying.

The crippled she-cat pushed her way into the camp, realizing at that point that she hadn't made an effort to hide Nutwhisker's scent. At least most only knew ShadowClan's scent in general.

She was far to exhausted to care. She knew she _physically_ exhausted. She kept her head high though. She wasn't going to be ashamed of her relationship. She might hide it, because they'd certainly judge her for it, and she couldn't handle that.

Pinestar narrowed his eyes at her. She ignored him. _Kittypets shouldn't be leader._ She blinked. Firestar didn't count. He'd _left_ his twolegs to be a _ThunderClan_ warrior. Pinestar was leaving _ThunderClan_ for the life of a house-cat.

Nightfur forced herself to not flinch away as Bluefur and Snowfur touched noses with her before pulling away slightly.

Bluefur's eyes flashed when she recognized the scent on her. The black warrior didn't say anything about whose scent was on her. Neither did the blue or white warrior.

However, Bluefur's nose crincled. "Taking a nap by the ShadowClan border?" She mewed in a slightly accusing tone.

Nightfur almost started backing away from her two littermates. But the clan was just starting to go back to what they'd been doing _before_ she entered. She knew some of them were watching the sisters from the corner of their eyes.

"I—" she started, before Snowfur cut her off. "I think there's a lot that we need to talk about."

The crippled cat swallowed, "There isn't anything to talk about." She lied weakly. Her sister didn't seem to appreciate that comment.

"We haven't talked like we used to since WindClan invaded." Bluefur said in matter-of-factly tone. "We _miss_ talking with you."

Nightfur's pelt ruffled when her sister mentioned WindClan. "We talk all the time." She growled.

"Not like we used to!"

" _Because_ I don't want to talk with you two!"

"That's a load of _foxdoug_ and you know it!"

"We should go elsewhere for this argument." Snowfur chimed in.

Nightfur and Bluefur were heatedly glaring at each other, and she could hear some of their clanmates start whispering, wondering if the two sisters were going to attack each other.

The two finally gave a curt not to Snowfur and the three of them exited the camp.

They padded in a tense silence, making sure none of their clanmates were following. They were in the middle of the territory when Nightfur sat down. Her leg felt like it was pounding in beat with her heart.

"I don't have anything to say." She spat at her sisters.

" _We_ do! And you're going to listen!" Bluefur spat back. "Though StarClan only knows why we even try!"

Nightfur made a point of ignoring her blue sister's words.

Bluefur snarled, and Nightfur knew she was about to say something that she'd _probably_ regret later.

"We're just worried about you." Snowfur interjected softly. "We used to be so much more than _just_ sisters. We were _best friends_." She sounded hurt.

"Is this an intervention? Because I'm _fine_ , like I keep telling everyone of you mouse-brains!"

"You don't act fine. You don't look fine." Snowfur sighed, settling beside her black sister.

"Well, I am!" She got up and moved, ignoring the hurt in her white sister's eyes, and the anger in her blue sister's. "And we're _done_ with this conversation!"

Why couldn't they just respect that she didn't want anything to do with her family? _Because they're my family._ She shook the thought off. They weren't family. Her _real_ family was probably worried sick about her.

"Let Pinestar know I'm not returning to camp." She didn't turn to face them when she spoke, padding away.

"But this is your home!" Bluefur protested, running in front of her and stopping. "We're your _family_. We _care about you_."

"It isn't my home and you aren't my family."

She saw Bluefur and Snowfur flinch, sorrow in their eyes.

She felt her heart plummet as she walked around them. _You didn't want to die for Bluefur_ she could feel her resolve start to crumble _you have successfully broken any sisterly bond with the two of them._ But is that what she wanted? _It's too late, Nightfur._ Was it? _You've made your decision, stick with it._

She couldn't take back her words, but could she heal the gaping wound in her heart? It would be better if someone ripped out her heart with their claws. At least then she wouldn't have to feel the pain that her… that Bluefur and Snowfur were feeling.

They'd only wanted to help. And she'd pushed them away. If she tried to repair her damage now it'd probably only make thing worse. She'd give it a few moons, and when — _if_ — she returned to her clan, then she'd try to repair her relationship with them.

She had to cross WindClan territory… but she wasn't a clan-cat anymore. She was terrified of the clan Heatherstar led, but she was more terrified of staying and saying things that would damage her relationship with Snowfur and Bluefur until is was unrepairable. _If it wasn't already_.

Nightfur had to do this alone. She needed to heal on her own. She needed to find out what had really happened to her as a human. She had to find out _why_ she couldn't go back.

She glanced back at the clans, knowing the clan would worry about her, and she knew Nutwhisker would be furious with her when she returned. He'd be furious that she didn't bother _asking_ if he wanted to go on a quest that would take them far from the clans.

But he'd call her crazy if she told him what she needed to do, what she needed to know.

* * *

 ***nervous sweating* that didn't end how I thought it would. Nightfur has a lot of pent up emotions — from the battle with WindClan to the fact that she's the only one who know what's going to happen — and I think she'd heal a lot better alone than surrounded by others.**

 **As soon as I decide what to name the title of the series of one-shots that fill in the gap between time skips (and what happens in ThunderClan while Nightfur is away [AND PROBABLY LIKE, one or two of them will be set with Nutwhisker]) I'll be publishing them. Out of chronological order.**

 **HELP ME NAME IT. TELL ME WHAT YOU WISH FOR ME TO WRITE/ PUBLISH FIRST.**

 **I probably won't start with her being a kit, but I think there's a lot of information that needs to be shown that I couldn't find a place for. (Translation: I was too lazy to write it at the time)**

 **At this point you can request an OC/known character for Nightfur to come across. Friendly or otherwise!**

 **Next up: Nightfur returning to ThunderClan after a season and a half of being away (it's probably going to take me a little while to write/post because there's a lot of information I want to go over)**

 **Sierra: If Nightfur didn't just destroy her blossoming relationship with Nutwhisker, I'll be sure to mention one of his littermates finding them together at some point.**

 **Snowcrystal of ThunderClan: I'm always worried about posting something that goes pass 'T' and turns into 'M'.**

 **Ran (Guest): I will keep that in mind! I** _ **really**_ **want her to have kits of her own, but she can't really open up to anyone until she's emotionally healed. Also, yes, Pinestar is a coward.**


	8. Chapter 8: Part I

**Before we start:**

— **I realized that i'd stated Winter was coming towards the end of chapter 3.**

— **Assuming that it was just beginning the season, I feel like I can safely say Winter is just fading into Spring.**

— **I've probably contradicted myself a couple of times, since I'd forgotten about it being Winter. I'll probably** _ **not**_ **rewrite them, however (mostly because this chapter was already wrote when I realized)**

— **Please let me know if I missed anything. I've been high like, all month.**

— **Thank you to everyone who submitted OC's! You're welcome to still submit them, for I need WindClan and RiverClan and ShadowClan characters. Please don't forget to mention their age!**

— **Because I tend to get lost with chapters over like, 10k, I think I'll stick to mine being between 500-5k words.**

* * *

Nightfur didn't know where she was going. She didn't have a destination in mind. It had been a week since she'd left ThunderClan, since she'd left the clans. Her heart ached whenever she thought of Nutwhisker.

She knew he wasn't dead, but did he know she wasn't? He must've been so worried when she didn't show up to the Gathering, or when she hadn't meant him at the border.

Did Bluefur and Snowfur tell him? What had they told the clan? Probably the truth, they didn't need to lie for her. She was the coward, leaving without telling her clan goodbye. Leaving just _days_ after she'd become a warrior, she didn't deserve anything from anyone.

What if she wasn't there and Snowfur _died_? She'd never forgive herself for abandoning her clan if Bluefur, Snowfur, Nettlekit, Daisykit, _or_ Ivykit died while she was away. She knew _how_ Snowfur was going to did, but she couldn't even begin to predict what was going to happen to her three youngest siblings.

She couldn't predict _if_ something was going to happen to them. The weight of knowing the future was crushing her. Was that why she'd felt the _need_ to flee or was there something more than what she _knew_. Was something calling her?

Was StarClan guiding her paws even though she wasn't supposed to be a _cat_? Was Moonflower watching over her, even though the StarClan cat _had_ to know that it wasn't Nightfur's choice to be in the clan? That she hadn't _wished_ to be dropped in the beginning of a series?

Even if, technically, Into The Wild was the _beginning_ , the _first_ book published… it wouldn't've gone the same way _if_ Bluestar hadn't been the ThunderClan Leader. Or would it have?

Nightfur didn't know what her role was, why she was there. She felt useless, even before she'd been injured. She felt as if she didn't _deserve_ to be a Warrior. Or to be alive. She wasn't any use to the clan if she didn't believe in herself.

She was currently perched under a hollowed out log, trying to not get wet. _Afraid of a little rain, Nightfur?_ She mocked herself. It wasn't a _little_ rain, she thought, it was a lot. It was a downpour.

Was this a sign that she'd made a mistake leaving her sister's or one telling her _she_ was the mistake? Her ears flattened more at the thought. Everything about her existence screamed _mistake_ and _abomination_.

 _Why would you do this to me?_ She cursed at StarClan and whatever God she'd once known. _This can't be what you had in store for me._

Losing her own life, she couldn't care less. It was the fact that she was going to die _for_ Bluefur that made her nervous. That made her want to flee as far as she could. _That won't save you_.

Did she want to die? She couldn't answer that question. Not honestly. She'd never thought of herself as someone who would think of such a thing… but that was what she'd become in the last year. Her life had been _good_. She was on her way to get a great job, after she'd been a manager for a year (she had only gotten a few months of being a manager before…).

She swallowed the bail that she felt at the thought. She wanted to know what had happened, and StarClan wasn't going to tell her. She needed to know where she was, so she could find a way back to her parents. They would know it was her, she was their _daughter_ , for God's sake. Even if she was a cat.

 _Once you go down this path, will you find your way back to your clan?_

Nightfur wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to return to her clan. They weren't her real family.

 _You were born in ThunderClan,_ she reminded herself, _they_ are _your family. You can have more than one._

If it was her fate to be with the Clans', StarClan would guide her paws back.

 _Don't count on something you can't see._

She wanted to claw her own ears. She couldn't keep being a realist. She had to believe there was some reason for her to be where she was, because otherwise her life wasn't worth anything.

 _It's already worth nothing._

Nightfur didn't want to argue with herself anymore, but that seemed to be all she'd been doing the past week. She had her paws both in the clan and out of it. She wanted to be back with her littermates but at the same time she needed her space.

She couldn't face them, not while she was on the fence about them being family — and she wasn't sure how she'd apologize or if they'd accept it. For the first time, she found that she _didn't_ know what would happen; would they reject her or would they accept her?

Her former clanmates would never trust her if she returned.

She felt a pang in her chest. She doubted that her place was with the clans. She doubted her place was _anywhere_.

 _Stop thinking, Nightfur, you're just making yourself upset. Nutwhisker isn't here to pull you back from getting lost in a world of haze._

The former Warrior would be fine, she just needed time. She just needed to find what had happened to her human life. She had a feeling it was a lot more than just being plucked out of her life and made a cat.

She felt hunger gnaw at her stomach. When was the last time she'd eaten? A few days ago? She couldn't remember. She'd eaten before the rain had started, and it had started a few days ago.

Had she really been hiding from the rain that long? She'd be soaked before she managed to get to another shelter, and she didn't have any way to fix the cold she was going to get.

She could always find shelter in a house. She flinched at the thought, hadn't she just called Pinestar a coward for wanting to be a kittypet?

 _The difference between you and him is that you don't have nine lives and you aren't leader of a clan._

But she was still a clan-cat, and they… _you aren't a clan cat, anymore. You're free to make any choice to survive._

She took a deep breath. If she was going to find what had happened to her, she'd have to take risks. She'd have to break the Warrior Code… _You aren't bound by the stupid laws anymore._

She her head out of her shelter and glanced around, trying to judge what house was the closest, the easiest for her to get too.

She forced herself to not flinch as the rain pelted her. She braced herself before she ran out of her hollowed log. She was soaked within seconds.

Nightfur struggled to keep her footing when her paws started sliding as she ran. She tried digging her claws into the ground, she didn't need to injure herself _on top of_ getting a cold, to no end. She started slowing down, but still ended up going for a tumble.

She landed hard on her back, her breath being knocked out of her. She rolled onto her stomach and scrambled to her paws, hyperaware of where each paw went. She stiffened when she heard snarls over the rain. It was definitely _cats_ snarling at each other.

She followed the noise, flinching when she realized that her leg was starting to act up. She forced herself to ignore it. She wanted to know what cats were arguing about since there wasn't any territory to fight over. There should be enough fresh-kill for everyone.

She was surprised she could hear anything over the rain, but in the seconds since she'd left her shelter, the rain had started lightening up. _Are you trying to tell me something?_

She followed the sound as quickly as she could. Maybe they were fighting because of the rain driving away all the prey? They could be fighting for any number of reasons. Nightfur was suddenly unsure of if she should put herself in the middle of another cats' business.

 _I'm unsure a lot these days_.

"I didn't kill your brother!" The she-cat spat as she clawed at the tom.

"Liar! I _saw_ you kill him, Kiwi!"

"I didn't kill him!" She repeated, sorrow in her gaze. "Why would I murder my own mate?" Though she was obviously grieving, she didn't try to stop fighting.

Nightfur wanted to intervene, but she didn't want to get scars over a rogue disput. She wasn't sure how much _help_ she'd be anyways. She was obviously made a Warrior out of pity (or misplaced stubbornness).

 _Is that really how I look at it?_ She felt miserable.

"You did! I saw you!"

"What you _saw_ was me grieving my lost mate! Panther wouldn't _want_ his family fighting!"

"How do you know!" The tom screeched "you only knew him, what, a moon? I've known him my _whole_ life!"

Nightfur has to intervene _now_ , because he was going for the kill. The crippled warrior ran as fast as she could to the fighting cats and got between them, flinching when two pairs of claws dug into her pelt.

" _Enough_." She growled. "You two are acting like kits!"

The two ripped out their claws and the tom tried to get around her. "You!" She hissed at the tom "Do you have any _proof_ that she killed your brother?"

His blue eyes narrowed on her. "Stay out of—"

"You're making enough noise to draw _everyone's_ attention!" Nightfur interrupted tartly. _Oh StarClan, what have I gotten myself into?_

She'd forgotten that she wasn't back in ThunderClan and these weren't squabbling apprentices. These were fully grown cats that she didn't know, cats she had _no_ real connection too.

She took a deep breath. "Until you can bring more than just _'I saw…'_ , I don't want to hear _anymore_ of this nonsense!" She felt a heated glare come from the tom, and she didn't want to move from between them. She couldn't justify staying where she was, now that the antagoniser looked relatively calm.

She met his calculating gaze as she slowly moved out from between the two. She had a feeling he was going to attack the she-cat once Nightfur turned her back. She had no intention of turning her back on the two of them.

The tom acted as if he were going to kill the she-cat, and she didn't want _that_ on her conscious. Not on top of everything else.

He looked ready to attack again, the she-cat prepared to defend herself.

"Tell me what happened while we eat." Nightfur put in before either could attack.

The tom huffed. "I'm not going to eat with murdering scum."

"I _didn't_ kill your brother!" The she-cat hissed "How many times do I have to tell you before you _hear me_?"

Nightfur warily sighed. Kits. They were acting like _kits_. Except kits didn't have the intent to murder when they fought.

 _This isn't your fight. If rogues want to kill each other, what does it matter to you?_

"There needs to be more proof than just hearsay." The black warrior growled, ignoring the little voice that insisted this wasn't her problem. While she didn't _belong_ in ThunderClan (or as a cat), she had been living in the clan (and as a cat) for over a year.

The Warrior Code was ingrained into her. She _couldn't_ leave a cat to be murdered when she could do _something_ about it.

The tom's glare became more intense, she had to force herself to not instinctively back away. Her eyes met his — again. She wasn't going to be intimidated by someone clearly driven mad by grief. He was willing to _murder_ without a second thought, without _proof_ that he had his facts right.

The tom turned with a snarl and stalked away. Nightfur didn't dare breathe, waiting for him to come back and start a fight. She knew this wasn't the end of it, but she felt relieved that she'd managed to stand her ground and stop a fight. _For now,_ she thought warily.

 _Maybe I do belong in a clan,_ she flinched at the thought. She didn't. She _knew_ she didn't. _But what if I'm supposed to change things? What if there's more to this than just being another death for Bluefur?_

She eyed the she-cat who looked relieved that the tom had left. That she didn't have to fight anymore.

"I'm Kiwi." She mewed, sounding thankful "and _that_ was Leopard."

"Nightfur." The black cat responded. She'd all but forgot about the rain, but it was barely a drizzle now. She didn't mind a little rain, but a lot was a problem for her.

" _Nightfur_?" Kiwi sounded surprised. "Are you from one of those _clans_?"

Nightfur wasn't sure what surprised her more: the fact that this rogue knew enough about the clans to _know_ that her name was from a clan, or the tone in which it was delivered. When Kiwi said _clans_ , she said it with distaste. Like she'd been personally offended by the clans.

Who knew, maybe she had been, but that wasn't the black warrior's problem.

"I grew up in one, yes."

What harm was there to share such a simple thing? _It hasn't been_ that _long since I've left them._

"My grandmother was _exiled_ from ThunderClan. As long as you aren't from _that_ clan."

Nightfur felt her heart stop. She didn't know of any cat who was exiled from her clan, not until much later. The only one she knew exiled was Tigerclaw, and that was _seasons_ away.

"Who?" She wondered with her head tilted. She wasn't sure if she should mention that she was from ThunderClan. Logically, she knew she shouldn't, but she didn't like the thought of even talking with someone who _thought they knew the clan_ she came from.

"Petalpelt.."

The name didn't ring a bell. Obviously it meant something, but she wasn't sure what.

"What did she do to get exiled?"

"Her _mother_ took the wrong cat as a mate." Leaf spat. "My grandmother was a _kit_ when her mother and littermates were kicked out of the clan."

"If she was a kit…" Nightfur started

"How does she have a Warrior's name? Her mother changed her name from Petal _kit_ to Petal _pelt_."

"ThunderClan would never exile those who can't _defend_ themselves!" The Warrior found herself protesting.

Kiwi narrowed her eyes, " _Are_ you one of them?" She growled.

Nightfur rolled her eyes, "I just _told you_ , that I've left my clan." She said defensively. "I'm not a clan-cat anymore."

She felt dizzy when the words came out. She'd been telling herself that she wasn't a clan-cat, but saying it aloud made it all the more true. She wasn't sure how she felt about the feeling it brought.

 _I was never one._ She reminded herself. _I may have been born into the clan, but it couldn't have been fated that I became a cat._

Kiwi didn't relax in the slightest. "You need to leave." She spat "Anyone from ThunderClan is not welcomed."

The black warrior shrugged, "Have it your way, but don't forget I just save you and your unborn kits' lives." Until she'd said it, Nightfur hadn't realized that Kiwi was expecting. She was slightly surprised that she hadn't noticed. Or had she and that was why she'd gotten in the middle of the dispute?

She was going to get a headache. She'd obviously spent some time helping Featherwhisker if she knew just by looking at someone. Even if the fact didn't register at first.

After a few frozen heartbeats, the brown she-cat snarled, "We owe you _nothing_ , ThunderClan _scum_."

Nightfur shrugged again. "Have it your way, then." She turned and walked away. She was pretty sure Leopard would wait a few days, at the very least, before picking another fight with the Queen.

She could still feel Kiwi's cold eyes on her long after she'd gotten out of the loner's line-of-sight. ThunderClan couldn't've exiled innocent kits. _That isn't the ThunderClan I know. We'd never let such a thing happen._

She wanted to know more, know what had happened. She wished she could ask one of the ones exiled, but they were probably long dead. Even if they weren't…. Petalpelt wouldn't be able to remember much, if she had truly been as young as Kiwi hinted at.

Nightfur stopped to hunt and eat before deciding to go towards the setting sun. She hoped that it was the right way, that she was _finally_ on her way to find the answers she _needed_.

That night, she felt a pang of homesickness, and she wasn't sure if it was for ThunderClan or for her human home. Her paws hurt and she wasn't sure how far she'd traveled. She'd managed to avoid neighborhoods for the most part, knowing the ones she had seen _couldn't_ be the one she'd come from.

 _What if the twoleg place next to ThunderClan territory is the one you need?_ It'd be a terrible turn of irony. Being so close, yet so far, to her old life.

She hadn't been thinking when she'd left, hadn't been intending to actually search for answers. Was she ready for what she'd find? The dark furred cat wasn't sure.

She couldn't have traveled _that_ far in a day, especially with her _walking._

Though she knew the direction she was going, Nightfur wasn't all that sure of _where_ she was going or _where_ she would end up.

* * *

 **Hope you've enjoyed the chapter! As always, a review is very welcome and motivating (favs/follows are great motivators as well!)**

 **Questions:**

— **What should Sweetpaw's warrior name be? I'm leaning towards Sweetfeather, but if someone has a better name, I'll totally take it. (I wasn't going to go cliché and choose Sweetheart)**

— **Should Mapleshade make an appearance (in Misery)? If so, when? (She's still in the dark forest)**

— **At what point should Nightfur return? Right as Snowfur is killed, right before, or a few** _ **moons**_ **later?**

— **what should Nightkit, Sagekit, Nettlekit, Daisykit, and Ivykit have as full names?**

— **Nutwhisker** _ **might**_ **be Nightfur's eventual mate, but what would you think about her having kits** _ **outside**_ **the clans?**


	9. Chapter 8: Part II

**Merry (belated) Christmas, everyone! :p And a Happy New Year!**

In the two moons since Nightfur had left the Clans' far behind, she'd found that she didn't like being alone. While she had chosen to push her sisters away, she had still been surrounded by her clan. She had never actually been _alone_. Even alone, she wasn't _alone_.

She didn't know how to make the gaping hole of loneliness in her chest go away. _I want to go home._ She thought miserably. She didn't necessarily want to see her human parents again; it'd probably cause too much heartbreak for _her_. She doubted they'd recognize her. She _knew_ there wasn't a way they _would_.

Unless her mother instinctively knew that _this black cat_ is her daughter. Even then, there was nothing either of them could do. This wasn't a problem they could just _will_ away.

While she didn't want to spend the rest of her miserable existence as a cat, she _knew_ that she couldn't change it. Only whatever had stolen her could change her back, and she doubted whatever it was would. She still didn't know what role she was supposed to play. Maybe if they'd let her _forget_ about her past as a human…

She shook her head. She was probably there to _change_ something, but she wasn't sure what. She felt like her own existence had already changed to much.

Nightfur gave a long sigh. She didn't know if she'd be able to find her way back to ThunderClan. She doubted that they'd welcome her back if she ever returned. Did she want to return because she was lonely or because she genuinely wanted to? She felt like the answer wasn't going to be an easy pill to swallow.

She wasn't going to return to ThunderClan _because_ she was lonely. She'd have to find another reason. The black she-cat had _left_ to heal and find answers, neither of which she felt she had accomplished.

She couldn't return, just to feel trapped again. She wasn't going to play that game. She wasn't. It wasn't an option. Was she stupid and stubborn?Possibly. But she knew what she wanted, what she _needed_. And even if she abandoned her quest for answers, she couldn't abandon the one for self healing.

 _They'll never forgive me,_ she reminded herself. _I left a few days after becoming a warrior. I swore to protect my clan, and this isn't protecting ThunderClan. This is me being a coward, this is me running from problems I could have prevented._

"How could you have prevented anything, Nightfur?" She found herself asking. She cringed, realising she must feel awfully alone for her to start thinking aloud. "Moonflower was supposed to die. There's no changing that fact. A few days or a few moons after becoming an apprentice, it wouldn't've changed."

She sighed wearily. _I could have tried harder. I could have been there to protect her, protect the nursery, instead of it being a Queen who had given birth a few days prior._

 _But then you'd be dead, and that wouldn't help anything. Moonflower would have still died. There wasn't a thing you could have done to change her fate._

"Everyone dies eventually! But nobody should have to die in a raid!" She found herself shouting, unable to keep her response to herself. "She shouldn't've died _because_ of WindClan!" Her claws dug into the ground as the guilt gnawed at her heart.

She should have fought harder. She should have paid more attention to the Nursery. _She should have prevented Moonflower's death._ She clawed at the grass under her paws.

 _It should have been me._

She could never go home, could she? Bluefur and Snowfur _blamed_ her, didn't they? They _knew_ that she'd known what was going to happen.

She shook her head, half tempted to claw her own ears off. They couldn't have known. They didn't blame her, her littermates had _seen_ her fighting to defend the nursery. They'd even come to help. The battle hadn't lasted long, though at the time it felt like it would never end.

She glared at her leg. She couldn't forget her experiences, even if she'd wanted. That _damned_ leg was always going to be a reminder of what she _could_ have done. What she _should_ have prevented.

Nightfur took a deep, calming, breath. It was essentially the same argument she'd been having with herself since she'd left the clan territories behind her. Words changes, but meaning stayed the same.

"You look lost."

The black warrior was surprised. She hadn't realized there were other cats around. Had she really been that busy arguing with herself that she hadn't realized she'd walked right into a group of cats? Apparently that was the case.

"No," she corrected, hoping that it hadn't taken her long to respond. "Just… thinking." She met the eyes of the one who had spoken.

"About?"

How honest could she be? How honest _should_ she be? She didn't know the first thing about this group… at the same time, they didn't know the first thing about _her_. "Home," she replied softly, deciding that being partly honest was probably the best course of action.

The tom's eyes softened. "Were you forced to leave?"

She met his eyes, shaking her head. "I left." She forced her voice to not shake. She didn't want to think about her choice, she didn't want to talk about it, either. She saw his gaze take her in, she started to bristle when his gaze lingered, in her opinion, a little to long on her leg.

"Is that why you left?" he asked, clearly unsympathetic.

"It was _one_ of the reasons," she hissed. "There were many reasons; reasons I _don't_ need to tell you. Or anyone, for that matter." Her tail lashed as she tried to reign in her temper.

She had know some wouldn't understand why she felt the way she did, but she hadn't expected it to rile her so much. The clans… They all seemed to _accept_ that she was injured, even if they didn't know the details or hadn't actually _seen_ her after she'd become crippled… but…

Nightfur gave herself a mental shake of her head. It did no good to think about where she'd been, what she'd been _through_. It did no good for her to think about what _could_ have been. She had made her choice. She had to make herself follow through with it. It wasn't like she could _magically_ wish for her issues to go away. They wouldn't leave her alone, even if that's what made her who she was.

"Of course," the tom said smoothly. "I meant no disrespect."

 _Liar_ , she thought bitterly. _He's a liar, he couldn't be more transparent._

She glared at him, "I'm sure." she replied in a growl. The tom didn't seem to care that she was becoming hostile. She turned away from the tom – and the group – and started to walk the way she'd come from. She knew it was backtracking, and that she wouldn't get her answers. But, she didn't exactly care.

"I know why you're here."

She felt her body freeze before she'd fully comprehended what he'd said.

"You don't know a thing." she didn't turn around and look at him. She lifted a paw to start walking again.

"I know more than you might think." he sounded arrogant, like he did know something, that he wasn't just saying things to make her stay. Had StarClan — or whoever — really shared what she was looking for with _him_?

She refused to believe it. She didn't need her personal quests broadcast to cats who didn't know the first thing about her. _Wouldn't it be better to get a fresh perspective instead of just your own?_

Her body tensed. It probably was a good idea, but she still didn't _trust_ the tom. It felt like his personality had changed within minutes… _or maybe he's just done playing nice_.

She turned her head and glared at him, forgetting that there were other cats with him. "Be that as it may, I haven't asked for your comments on my life choices." She growled.

Turning to face forward again, she started walking away… _again_.

 _I really want to go home._ She sighed. Whatever answers she wanted, she wouldn't be getting them. The one cat who might've told her what she needed, she had turned her back on. _How do you even know you're in the same universe?_

She flinched, having not thought of the possibility for a long time. Nightfur had been so… caught up with _needing_ her answers, that she hadn't stopped and thought that there might not be a way for her to learn what she wanted to know.

Her tail drooped. She'd left her clan, her home, for answers she'd never find. Was it because there genuinely wasn't one, or was she just not ready?

 _I wish I hadn't been reborn with memories of my previous life_. She should've been like Cinderheart. _I wish I knew why I had to become a cat._ She should've had a choice. She should've been able to live her life until she was old and reminiscing of the "good old days" of her youth. She wanted a family. She wanted _her_ family. She wanted to get married. She wanted to have kids. She wanted to be…. it didn't matter what _she_ wanted.

She huffed in annoyance. It looked like she'd be going back to the one cat who claimed he knew the answers she _needed_.

She turned around, having not gone far. She was barely out of eyesight. When she was closer to where the tom and his group had been, she found no trace of them. Confused, she smelled for a scent trail, or something, that she could follow.

Nothing. No paw-prints, no scents, no evidence that a group of cats had ever been there. Her tail twitched in annoyance. Had she only had one chance for the answers she seeked?

Nightfur hissed, kicking a rock and ignoring the jolt of shock she felt from the jagged edges. She glared down at her bleeding pad, as if willing it to heal.

She growled when it didn't. She licked it, wanting to make sure it didn't get infected. She didn't have time to be sick or have an infection. She wasn't in the clans anymore, nobody would be there to help her if she were injured.

Not for the first time that day, she felt homesick. She let out a long sigh before turning around again. She should head back to the clans. Maybe StarClan would tell her _why_ she was here, if she stopped at Moonstone on her way back.

She ignored the hunger gnawing at her stomach. She'd have time to hunt, she'd have time to make her final decision. The clans were moons away, and she knew that's where she wanted to be. If anything. This had been a long journey that, in her opinion, hadn't been worth it.

 _If you return, you'll die for Bluefur's destiny._

For the first time, the black she-cat realized that didn't sound like her voice, that it sounded like someone else's. She knew how she thought, she knew what her voice sounded like. Her fur started to rise. Had someone, some _thing_ , been urging her to do things she wouldn't've done?

Was her mind playing tricks on her? Her tail twitched anxiously. How could she trust her thoughts if she wasn't sure they were hers?

 _It doesn't matter._ She decided, suddenly feeling like she could breathe again. Like she'd been drowning for a long time without realizing it. _If I die for Bluefur's destiny… so be it._

With that in mind, she continued walking. She hoped she could find her way home. She'd return, one way or the other. It was just a question of how long it would take and if she'd be able to take what was thrown at her better than she had been.

She had a feeling things wouldn't be smooth sailing, that the waters were about to get rough and deadly. She was going to be there for her clan, and hopefully, her sisters would be standing right beside her.

 **Linebreak**

 **Thanks for everyone who left a review! It really made me feel more inspired to write!**

— **Sweetpaw's Warrior Name should be: Sweetflower or Sweetfeather?**

— **The names for Nightkit, Sagekit, Nettlekit, Ivykit are still open**

— **Daisykit is dead, yo. You'll find out how in the next chapter D**

— **I feel like Nightfur might flee to ShadowClan after Snowfur dies. Maybe. Or maybe not. She might be pregnant at that point, idk. Either way, I feel like there'll only be one or two chapters after that.**

— **WHAT SHOULD HER KITS BE NAMED? I know I have names listed on my profile but those are subject to change!**

— **I'm thinking the Sequel will be title 'Fated' or 'Mystery'... either way, 'Fated', 'Mystery', 'Destiny', 'Nightmare', and 'Darkness' will all be eventual sequel names (the last two being Omen of the Stars and A Vision of Shadows). I'm bad with naming things!**

— **For those who don't know,** _ **Punishment**_ **does tie into** _ **Misery**_ **, like** _ **Mapleshade's vengeance**_ **tied into the actual series.**

— **technically, Nightfur will have been gone for almost six moons (almost six months) (two seasons) and it's almost leaf-fall (Autumn).**


	10. Chapter 9

Nightfur felt her paws tingle with excitement. She was so close to being home. It had taken her another four moons before she'd found the way home. In that time, she'd discovered just how much she needed her kin.

It hadn't been that she couldn't find her way home, it was her nightmares that had temporarily crippled her drive to return home.

She remembered the nightmare like it had been yesterday, though it had probably been a few weeks since she'd gotten a good night's rest.

 _She knew she had been dreaming, that hadn't stopped the hurt she felt. She had opened her eyes and saw her mother. She started to run over to her, but was surprised by the disappointment in Moonflower's eyes. She stopped in her tracks as the StarClan warrior turned away from her. The joy that had briefly entered her was torn from her chest._

" _Mother?" She called weakly, feeling like a kitten again. What had she done wrong? She'd needed to make the journey. She'd needed to find herself, find where she really belonged._

" _I'm not your mother." Moonflower spat, hate seething in her eyes. Nightfur's ears flattened._

" _Why—"_

" _You claim that Snowfur and Bluefur aren't your siblings," The StarClan cat cut her off. "They're my daughters."_

" _I'm your da—"_

 _Moonflower gave a bitter laugh. "No daughter of mine would betray her clan by leaving."_

 _Her heart started hurting. "I didn't have a choice! I was going—"_

" _We all have a choice." The silver-gray warrior snarled. "You chose the easy way out."_

" _I wasn't healing in the clan." She defended. Sure, her actual injury had healed, but that was physically. Mentally, she had been far from fine. After her near-death experience, coupled with her broken leg, she hadn't wanted to get close to anyone. Which had meant that she had never really gotten past the battle with WindClan. She hadn't talked about it, nor had she let anyone else help._

" _You didn't want to heal," Her mother spat, "StarClan rejects you; you'll never be welcomed by us."_

The nightmare had abruptly faded away after those words. Nightfur hadn't wanted to move from where she'd slept after that. She couldn't have been certain if that was actually her mother speaking or if that had been a nightmare and nothing more. She hoped that it was the latter, otherwise she didn't see the point in trying to return home.

That's what had taken her so long. The journey that should only have taken two moons instead took four.

But, she wasn't going to be discouraged. Not now. Not with her so close to the forest.

* * *

She stopped at the border of the Clans. Despite her excitement, she suddenly felt nervous. What if the Clan refused to take her back? What if she wasn't welcomed? Her ears flattened and she almost turned away before forcing herself to straighten.

They'd take her back. They might not all welcome her, but she knew her littermates and father would stand up for her. She hoped. She flinched at thought that she'd burned her bridge with her family. That they'd never, completely, trust her again. _It would be what I deserve,_ she decided. _I didn't exactly leave on good terms, nor did I give them a chance to understand what I felt at the time._

While she, technically, had two families… she could only hope that the one she couldn't see knew that she loved them and that while she hadn't had a say in what fate had decided for her, it had been _her_ decision to accept what she couldn't change.

 _It had only taken over a year..._ She thought bitterly. _And even then, I feel like my hand was forced._

She swallowed back her doubts. If the clan refused to accept her back, she'd have to find a way to live with the consequences of her choices.

The she-cat took a hesitant step into the forest territories. Despite being on WindClan land — she cringed at the thought of the clan that had caused her so much pain — she felt oddly at home.

The excitement she'd felt earlier came rushing back. She was so close to home. She had one more thing she had to do, before she could ask for forgiveness from her clanmates and her kin.

She looked both ways before crossing the street dividing WindClan territory from Mother Mouth. _StarClan guide me,_ she begged as she entered the dark cave. Her leg suddenly began aching, a sign that she'd learned meant she had used it to much in the previous days.

She groaned. She'd be stuck in the cave for days if she laid down and let it rest. Not exactly _days_ , but it would be time wasted for her injury that she didn't want to waste. _It can rest while I ask StarClan the questions I have for them._

Nightfur stiffened when she heard the pawsteps of other cats. She sniffed the air and was surprised to find the scents of Featherwhisker and Sunfall. She didn't stop to think about why the deputy and medicine cat were on their way down the cave as well, though she had a fairly good idea as to why the two were there.

She hoped that she was going the right way. It would be the most anticlimactic way to die, in a cave, so close to, yet so far from, her clan. She'd gone through so much, she refused to die before she could see the end of her journey.

If felt like ages before she entered a cavern that seemed to be filled with crystals, there was one crystal that took up the center of the room. She assumed that it was the Moonstone. She felt her claws scrape against the smooth floor.

The black warrior suddenly felt like she was a young apprentice again, wanting to know every inch of her territory. Except this wasn't _her_ territory, this was where medicine cats and leaders came to communicate with StarClan. This was where deputies came to receive their nine lives.

This was tied to their history. It was breathtaking. She hadn't come here before she'd become a warrior, and she hadn't given anyone the chance to take her _after_ becoming one.

She took a deep breath before moving towards the stone. If she remembered correctly, all she had to do was touch her nose to the stone and she'd be speaking with her ancestors.

Biting her lip, she hesitantly followed her instincts. She curled up, stretching out her sore leg, and drifted off to sleep.

 **XxXxXx**

Nightfur opened her eyes, taking in the StarClan territory. It was just as breathtaking as the Moonstone. There was a warm, comforting, breeze that gently blew through her fur. It brought a scent that reminded her of home. Of ThunderClan. Everything seemed to give off a healthy shine. The tree, the grass, even the clouds. Her observations were cut off when the black warrior saw a familiar pelt that she hadn't seen since she'd been an apprentice.

"Goosefeather?" the black cat tilted her head, wondering why they'd sent the crazy medicine cat to speak with her.

"You were always meant to be." The tom mewed. "Nightfur, Sydney, they're one in the same."

She felt frustration gnaw at her. "Of course they're one in the same!" She snapped. "I _am_ Sydney and I _am_ Nightfur!"

Goosefeather shook his head. "You were meant to be born a cat, not a twoleg. Nightkit should have _died_ the day she was born, but instead you, subconsciously or not, decided that you wanted to follow your destiny. You could not had done that as a Twoleg."

"' _Should have died_?'" She growled. "What does _that_ mean?"

"Nightkit had always existed, but Moonflower convinced the Clan to never tell Snowfur and Bluefur. Even once they died, they'd never known."

" _Why_?"

"It was too painful for my sister. Imagine failing to protect your kits the _second_ they're born."

Nightfur felt frustrated. This didn't answer her question: _why_?

"With Nightkit — with _you_ — living and growing, things happen the way they were supposed to."

"Moonflower still _died_ because of WindClan!" She hissed.

"And _you_ were crippled, if we're stating facts." His tone was patronizing, making her dig her claws into the ground.

"You're proof that even with a limp, you can be a warrior."

Her lips curled in the beginning of a snarl. "Is that all I'm meant to be? An example?"

He shook his head, "Your destiny is uncertain, but _everything_ happens for a reason. From the birth of a kit, to the death of an elder. Everything has meaning."

"You aren't making any sense!"

"It's because you aren't listening!" He snapped "You're the one who wants answers you aren't ready for."

"I am ready! I wouldn't be _here_ if I wasn't!"

"You being here — you being reborn, saved — changes things to the way they were meant to be. Pinestar wasn't supposed to leave his clan. _You_ changed that. _You_ being there changed things for the better."

Nightfur growled. "You don't know anything."

"I know more than you could even dream." The former medicine cat's eyes flashed.

The warrior wanted to claw Goosefeather, "If you know so much, why did Moonflower have to die?!"

"To bring Bluefur and her sisters closer." He answered.

"We were close enough without her having to die!"

He shook his head, "You had always been distant from them."

"Fine job _that_ decision did, then! If anything, we're even more distant than we've ever been before!"

"I don't think you are," He replied patiently. "You might think you aren't because you let your fears get the best of you," he paused. "Let me put one of your deepest fears to rest: you aren't going to _die_ for Bluefur's destiny.."

 _Technically,_ she thought, _Bluefur always had Whitestorm and Stormtail with her._ She felt like someone had taken a load off her shoulders. She let out a deep breath before asking, "Is everything I _know_ wrong? If things weren't meant to happen the way they did…"

"Some things won't be changed." He replied, "Things always have a way of coming to pass. They just might not happen the way you think."

She gave a stiff nod, having more questions than answers.

"Don't worry so much, Nightfur. Don't try to stop things that are meant to happen ." Goosefeather sighed, sending Nightfur back to the waking world. The dream faded at the same time the tom did.

 **XxXxXx**

The black she-cat shivered as she opened her eyes to the living world. She jumped when she saw Sunfall and Featherwhisker. They both looked relieved and confused to see her. She pushed herself onto shaking legs. How long had that dream actually taken?

She didn't know if she was supposed to just leave or if she was meant to stay and return home with the new leader and medicine cat.

She started to pad past them, deciding she didn't need to witness this. Even if she wanted to. Featherwhisker stuck out his tail to stop her.

He nodded to Sunfall, "It's time." He mewed, looking up at the rising moon.

"Stay." He whispered in her ear as Sunfall took her place.

She started to ask why, but he responded to the question before she could ask it. "I will explain later. For now, we must stay quiet."

It felt like ages passed before Sunfall… Sun _star_ opened his eyes again. "Let's go home," He sighed tiredly, "You have some explaining to do on our way."

She flinched, "I know, Sunstar, I know." The black warrior began explaining why she'd left and why she'd come back. Why she'd been dreaming with StarClan and why she'd chosen to dream with them _that day_. The she-cat didn't say what Goosefeather had told her, but they probably wouldn't've understand. The she-cat wanted to talk to her littermates before she told her nightmare to anyone else. Hopefully, talking about it will help her sleep better tonight.

"ThunderClan might not welcome you back, not immediately. You'll always have a place in the clan though, Nightfur." The leader replied thoughtfully after she was finished.

The little that remained to their trek home was in a comfortable silence. She felt better, knowing that she'd have a home in ThunderClan. She wasn't planning on leaving the clan again. Not until she died. She'd have to learn to deal with grief in her Clan, and not as a loner.

 _Goosefeather never said anything about Snowfur, and he didn't say what my cause of death would be. He said I wasn't going to die for Bluefur to walk alone. He never said I wouldn't die before she became leader…_

Had Goosefeather lied? She swallowed. She wanted to believe that he'd said the truth, but she was still wary. She couldn't stop thinking about how or when she was going to die.

She paused when they came to the camp entrance. What kind of a warrior was she, if she couldn't face her clan and own up to the mistakes _she_ made? She shrank away from the tunnel, the medicine cat gave her a worried glance. She forced her paws to follow Sunstar in, with Featherwhisker behind her.

"Get Bluefur. She should be near Owltree" she heard the leader tell someone before she entered. The apprentice nodded and darted out of the camp, she could feel the apprentice's eyes on her. She didn't recognize the tom. She knew there would be some changes… but she hadn't been prepared to not know the names of her.. Clanmates.

"Let all cats old enough to hunt gather beneath Highrock for a clan-meeting."

She forced her paws to stay where they were. She wasn't officially part of the Clan yet. Even if it was where she had been born…she had, _technically_ , left. At least it was in the warm seasons, when they didn't need as many able hunters. Would she be able to keep up with her clan during the winter?

 _I'll have to._

Nightfur watched as her clanmates gathered around, the older ones not paying her any mind. She was sure they noticed her, but she wondered why they didn't say anything. Did she still smell like ThunderClan, even after moons of her being away?

Her eyes darted over to the nursery when she saw a familiar white pelt. She couldn't help it, she ran over to her sister. It was more like a limp, really, since her bad leg was cramping with how much she'd been walking today. That was another reason it'd taken her so long; she could only go so far. She cringed. Maybe it wasn't for the best if she rejoined ThunderClan… She'd be more of a liability. She stumbled to a stop when she saw two tiny kits at Snowfur's paws.

The Queen's eyes brightened when she saw her sister. "Nightfur!" She touched noses with her sister. "You're back! We…"

Bluefur hurried into the camp, obviously worried as to why Sunstar would want her back in camp. She glanced around, obviously out of breath. Nightfur met the blue she-cat's eyes, happy to see the joy and relief in her eyes. Bluefur wasted no time in getting to her sister's side.

The two sisters touched noses. "I'm so glad you're safe," Bluefur purred.

"I'm sorry," Nightfur whispered, "I… didn't mean anything I said before I left."

Bluefur and Snowfur exchanged glances, "We know. It's fine, Nightfur."

The black warrior let out a breath of relief. She glanced down at the kittens by her sister's paws. "Thistleclaw's, I assume?" she gently teased, trying to change the subject.

Snowfur's eyes seemed to get brighter as she nodded. "This is Whitekit," she pointed to the white kit with her tail "and this is Shadekit." she did the same with the light gray kit.

She ignored the worry that pierced her heart. "Beautiful names, Snowfur." Nightfur touched her nose to the two kits. She was proud of her littermate.

She felt surprised when she saw Sweet…er, she knew the queen was _not_ named Sweet _paw_ anymore but couldn't be sure of what her name was now… was swollen with kits. The queen turned to look at the black warrior, but didn't say anything.

"Why are you back _now_ , Nightfur?" Swiftbreeze questioned. "The clan doesn't need a crippled warrior who runs the minute things get tough. We don't need _another_ mouth to feed."

The dark-furred warrior flinched. "I can hunt for myself." she mewed softly, "I didn't leave because of the clan. I left because I didn't feel like I could properly heal surrounded by cats who watched my every move."

Swiftbreeze scoffed. "You could barely hunt in good weather after your leg didn't heal right."

"I know it's going to be tough." Nightfur snapped. "I'll be of use to my Clan, one way or the other." she narrowed her eyes at the older she-cat.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Swiftbreeze rolled her eyes, "Redkit! Spottedkit! Willowkit!" The queen called, going back to ignoring Nightfur. "Do _not_ trip the warriors!" she reprimanded.

The black she-cat wondered how many others shared Swiftbreeze's views of Nightfur. She straightened. She would just have to work twice as hard to win everyone's trust back. _Same old story, different day,_ she thought bitterly.

"Her name is Sweetflower now, by the way." Snowfur whispered in her ear, obviously proud of her sister-in-law. Nightfur was also proud of the queen, remembering that she'd never earned her warrior name in the books.

She saw Robinwing nearby, with kits that looked to be between three and four moons old. She wished she knew what they'd named them. Her gaze turned to Swiftbreeze's kits, who looked to be around the same age as the others.

She'd learn all of her new Clanmates names again, and she wouldn't waste any time after the meeting.

Once everyone was gathered — except for those on patrol — the meeting officially began.

"First, I'd like to welcome Nightfur back to ThunderClan." he paused as some of the younger members turned to look at the returning warrior. "She's been gone for a long time, but I hope you'll all make her feel like she's welcome."

Nightfur felt embarrassed with so many eyes on her. She forced herself to not shrink away. She would _not_ make a terrible impresion her first day back.

"Why should we welcome a _traitor_ back?" Thistleclaw hissed "She's left once already, how do we know she won't again? "

Nightfur's fur started to rise in anger. How dare he? He didn't know _why_ she'd left, and she doubted he'd care if he knew. Why was the clan against her? They always needed warriors. She was, technically, a born and bred ThunderClan Warrior. She supposed she could always join… ShadowClan… but she didn't want to. She didn't want to be in the clan Brokentail would eventually rule.

"She has just as much right to be in her birth Clan as _you_ do." Bluefur snapped at their brother-in-law. "Let's break your leg and tell you it'll never heal right, _days_ after your mother dies! Let's see then if you're as tough as you seem _then_."

Nightfur flinched at her littermate's words. She didn't like Thistleclaw challenging her coming back to her birth Clan, but she wouldn't wish her pain on anyone. The black she-cat glanced over at Snowfur, half guessing what the queen was thinking. The tom challenging Sunstar was her _mate_. The father of her kits.

The black warrior watched as the they met eyes and after a moment, she knew that Thistleclaw wasn't going to reply to Bluefur. For now, the argument was settled, but Nightfur wasn't stupid enough to think that it was over.

Sunstar continued before any more complaining could occur. "Secondly, as per tradition, I must choose a deputy." the leader paused, "I say these words before StarClan, so our ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Bluefur."

Most of the Clan cheered for the surprised warrior. Nightfur didn't bother taking note of who seemed unhappy about Bluefur's new rank.

Nightfur purred at her sister. "Congratulations, _deputy_." she wondered who her sister had mentored, but realised that it didn't matter. Whoever it was, she didn't doubt she'd soon meet the one being trained by her sister.

"And lastly, I'd like to welcome Shadekit and Whitekit to the clan. ThunderClan is lucky to have a full Nursery."

The clan cheered for the two newborns.

"You may all return to your duties." Sunstar said, dismissing the gathered clan. It didn't take long for all of the cats to return to whatever they'd been doing. Be it talking, training, or hunting.

Nightfur took a deep breath, "Where are our siblings?" She hadn't been welcoming to them after Moonflower's death, but she was determined to try and right the wrongs she'd done to them.

"Nettlepaw and Ivypaw are out training. Their warrior assessment should be any day now." Bluefur responded before her eyes turned sad. Worry shot through the black warrior. "Daisykit…" Nightfur forced herself to not panic. Daisy _kit_. Not Daisy _paw_. "She died by an adder bite days after you left. She snuck out of camp and… She wanted to come with you."

Nightfur swallowed. So it was her fault that one of her baby siblings were dead. Her claws dug into the ground, trying to not curse StarClan for taking such a young kit. She refused to start crying for the fact that she'd never be able to be the sister she should have been.

* * *

 **Notes:**

— **Thanks for the reviews, everyone! :)**

— **Castle of Glass read over this chapter! Go read their story Frozen Shards!**

— **I need male names for Nightfur's kits! C:**

— **What do y'all think of Ivyheart and Nettledaisy? In honor of their lost littermate. They would have most certainly requested to have Warrior Names that honored Daisykit.**

— **Who else should be against Nightfur's return? I have Thistleclaw and Swiftbreeze (isn't Swiftbreeze like, their cousin? Talk about no family loyalty)**

— **I'm predicting like three or four more chapters, but knowing me that might change ._. Like how I split chapter 8 into two parts…**


	11. Update

**Hey, guys. Its been almost a year since I first published Misery and one of the main reasons I stopped writing it was because I didn't like where it was going. So I've decided that I'm going to start rewriting and hopefully get a few chapters finished Monday. Stay tuned, it'll be a new story since I'm not sure how reviews work with new chapters that are just uploaded yet the story had over ten chapters. So yeah.**

 **\- Imprisoned**


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